


Cherry

by littlebluetui



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Comfort Sex, Crying During Sex, Desperate Harry, Desperate Louis, Dom Harry, Dom Harry Styles/Sub Louis Tomlinson, Drunk Dialing, Drunk Harry, Drunk Louis, Emotional Sex, Eventual Smut, Ex Sex, Famous Harry, Fluff, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson in Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Mouth Fucking, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Soul Bond, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23475976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebluetui/pseuds/littlebluetui
Summary: Harry and Louis were soulmates, no one doubted that.Sometimes one soulmates leaves the other to go on a world tour though.Sometimes not having them at all is better than only a little
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 10
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

This whole thing started 7 years ago. 

For Louis, thinking this... thing, between him and Harry had been happening almost a quarter of his life seemed observed but also the most comforting thing in the world. 

7 years ago, Louis and Harry had met. Harry had been in a boy band, touring the world. Louis had been the school boy who just so happened to be working the exact booth Harry styles showed up to, covered in a dark hoodie and glasses, when he had lost his day pass. 

A proper soulmate story, thanks what Harry would always say. 

After a year of texting and skyping and late night phone calls in secret pretending to be mates and calling eachother bro, the two finally admitted their feelings for eachother over what would be the first of many shared joints. 

4 years of the closest thing to perfect Louis had ever known later, they broke up. 

The thing is, when your a man like Harry Styles putting out a press release with your partner, announcing your break up to the world, no one is ever going to believe the "we still have lots of love for eachother and wish eachother the best" lines, not matter how many times you repeat it and no matter how true it is. Louis and Harry had had to learn that soulmates didn't mean easy and sometimes you can love someone with everything you have and have to walk away. 

Harry's tour that ended them had ended itself a year ago. To start with, they had talked every day. Everyday turned into every week, which turned into every couple of weeks, which soon slid into months. It degraded further into whenever either of them got to drunk, or sad or particularly needed the other. But slowly, they stopped needing eachother. 

Louis had moved on, best he could. He had moved to a flat with nice flatmates and a nice yard. He had even got a cat named Pirate because it had one eye and certainly not because Harry had replied to his snapchat with heart eyes emojis saying "she looks like a little pirate" when Louis first got her. Louis had the idea already. He had a new job, a teacher at the local highschool that he truly loved with all his heart.

As happy as Louis was, there was always something missing. The sad thing about once having something so perfect is Harry, you have to live your life knowing it can't ever be that good again. Louis lived his life as best he could, coming to terms with that reality. 

It had been months since Louis had heard from Harry. Of course, he knew what the boy was up to, it was hard not too. He saw the pictures, followed Harry on everything, rewatched his stories over and over and analyzed everything the boy put up searching for something that looked like he might be thinking of the boy as he toured the world. LA was Harry's new home. It was a thousand miles away from Louis', both physically and metaphorically, and Louis seemed an equal distance away from Harry's mind. Sure the boy would sent emoji reactions to Louis' Instagram stories sometimes, but Louis doesn't try to fool himself into thinking hes the only one. 

\---------------

Its 2.47 am when his phone rings. It's a Friday night, Satirday morning, thank God, not a school night. Louis, till almost completely asleep, quickly fumbled for his phone, trying to shut it up before it wake all of his flatmates. 

"Hello?" he wraps, confusion clear in voice. Who the hell is ringing at this time. 

"Baby..." he hears in reply and now he can't breathe.

Why? Why must he always do this?

"You there love?" he hears low in his ear again, huming in a response.

He doesn't know what to say. He never does when Harry calls like this. 

"You're drunk" he hears himself whisper after 30 seconds or so of just listening to Harry breathe into the phone. If Louis listens closely he can hear the base from the club in the background. If Harry listened closely, he could probably hear the lump rapidly forming in Louis' throat. 

"Not really" Harry rumbles, followed by a little hiccup, then a sigh. "I'm drunk" he admits afterwards, and Louis can hear that hes biting his lip. He wants to tell him to stop, that he'll make it bleed the way he does when hes nervous but that's not Louis' job anymore. 

"Did you know I was in London and not reach out?" Harry asks after Louis doesn't reply. Ouch. Louis did know Harry was back in London. He knew the second Harry stepped foot back in the UK. 

"I knew" Louis admits in a whisper.

"Why didn't you..." 

"Why didn't you?" Louis shoots back, his tone harsher than he expected. Yeah, he had been hurt. Hurt that Harry hadn't even bothered to reach out. Hurt that Gemma had text him asking him to bring Harry's favorite brownies to the welcome home party only to have to tell her he hadn't been invited. Heartbroken. 

More silence. 

"Its always me who does it. Wanted to see if you would" Harry mumbles. Hurt. Hes hurt too. This fight is one they have had too many times. Yes Harry reaches out first but only because Louis doesn't want to bother one of the busiest men on the whole fucking planet to say hi. 

"Are you... do you need me to order you a cab?"Louis whisper instead of replying, picking at the thread on his duvet now that he can't even make out through blurry eyes fill with tears. He can nearly hear through his heart pumping in his ears and trying to ignore the hum of 'Harryharryharryharry' pulsing through his body. 

"S'alright. Cody got me one."

Fuck Cody. 

"Okay. I am... I can talk to you tomo..."

"Can I come to your house? I'm not that far away?" Harry asks. ot comes out all at once and that's the reason he really called. 

"You're drunk" Louis says again. This is a bad idea. His heart is racing st the idea of Harry being close. Of Harry wanting to come see him. Of wanting him. 

"Doesn't matter" Harry mumbles. Louis can hear him kicking a can and he can picture it now. Harry in the alley behind some club to avoid fans, pacing like he does, head down, phone dresses to his ear and a coat tight around him. Louis Betts hes cold. Louis hates that idea. 

"I moved" Louis adds softly, biting his lip. "I know, I know I didn't tell you, you seemed busy" he rushes to say before Harry can start.   
"When have I ever been to busy for you?" he asks, his tone obvious again. hurt. 

Yet again, Louis doesn't know what to say. He hears his own voice however, telling Harry he'll text him the address. 

\--------- 

The cab lights in the drive way illuminated Louis' whole bedroom, and he rushes to the door to open it before Harry can knock or ring the bell or something he might do in his tipsy state. Lousi had spent the last 10 minutes shoving everything on his floor into the closet and trying to make his hair look less like its 3 am as he waited. Harryharryharryharry his mind buzzed, only getting louder every second the cab got closer. 

Louis hear the door shut first. Harry always had a bad habit of slamming car doors. His feet are next. Big feet scuffing over gravel drive way. Soon, his silhouette is on the glass door, towering over Harry and then with the opening of the door, hes right there. 

The last time they had seen eachother, in person, was 7 months ago, at Louis' sisters' funeral. Louis hooded he would come, but wasnt sure due to the fact he had been ignore absolutely every call from absolutely everyone. When Harry had walked in, Louis had all but run to him and let Harry hold him as he sobbed and fell apart. Harry stayed for a week before he had to leave, never leaving Louis' side. 

"Lou..."he whispered, looking down at the man with eyebrows furrowed. Louis never knew why he found it so hard to look at Harry now. It just hurt. 

"Come in" he says, stepping to the side a bit and closing the door quietly after Harry, just in case by some miracle his flatmates were still asleep. 

"Do you want uh... tea or water or... I can make you a sandwich or..." Louis rambles, eyes darting to every point in the room bar Harry's eyes. That is until he feels a gentle hand on his chin, sopping him and find Harry looking down at him. Hurt.   
"Can you relax a little bit please?" he whispers, dropping his hands. His fingers run down Louis' arm, burning a trail before giving his hand a soft squeeze. "Its just me, Lou. Just me" he whispers.

\-------------- 

Despite Harry's insistence, Louis had gotten a glass of water for him before leading Harry to his bedroom. Its risky, Louis knows that, but he can't deny wanting to be as close to him as possible. 

Louis find something that will fit Harry in his closet, and both of them don't mention the fact that what hes given is actually one of Harry's own shirts Louis kept from somewhere. Its half three the time they're in bed, laying on their sofas facing eachother but as far apart as possible. 

"Why are you being like this with me?" Harry's whispers into the dark after what seems like eternity. Louis thinks he might have imagined it until he feels Harry's fingers tips on his arm, searching around for a few seconds before linking with Louis' fingers. Louis immediately gives his fingers a little squeeze out of habit and maybe looking for comfort. 

Louis shrug before realizing hes going to have to speak in the dark and lamely mumbling out "I dunno" earning a deep sigh from Harry. 

"If you don't want me here Lou... I never meant to impose myself on you, I thought you mugtn want to s..."

"No, no, I do" Louis rushes out before Harry can finished. He hates the idea of Harry ever thinking he wouldnt want to see him. "I do, don't go, please" he whispers, and feels Harry wiggle a little closer. 

" 'm not going anywhere, just need you to talk to me a bit" he whispers. They're like this, especially since their break up. Louis with walls miles high that, no matter how much he rationally knows it's not true, doubting if hes good enough for Harry. That's theres a small chance they actually broke up because Harry was sick of him. 

"Just wasn't expecting this tonght" he whispers.

"I think that's bullshit, darling." Harry replies, not a droplet of anything but gentleness in his voice. "I saw that you viewed my Instagram story, about being home. I checked you had, you saw it in like 2 minutes of me posting it. You knew I would come" he whispers. Louis had hoped he would come. Prayed he would. But like everything with Harry, the idea seemed to good to be true. 

"I know you didn't invite me to your welcome home party thing" Louis mumbles, wishing he wasnt so upset bit not get an invite to a stupid party. 

"Wanted to see you first. I didnt want to see you for the first time in front of a whole lot of other people. Ot would have been weird for everyone." Louis' knows that's true. He knows literally everyone who knows the two of them know how deeply unfinished they are and the tension they create in the same room. It would have been awkward. 

"And like I said... I wanted to see if you would call" Harry mumbles the last part. He didn't cut god had he been close.

Louis shuts down in talks like this. always does, probably always will. The only way Harry and him ever used to get through them was with Louis being held in Harry's chest and with lots of kisses and reassurances and prompts and praise. He just can't do it otherwise, especially not now, not after everything. 

"Saw you were off with Cody or whatever his name is anyway, thought you would be too busy" Louis says in a tone he really doesnt mean. Another classic Louis tactic. Attack to avoid talking about his feeling. Too bad Harry nows Louis better than anything else in the world, so only chuckles softly at the response.   
"There he is" he says fondly through a chuckle, cautiously moving his hand to rub Harrys back, becoming more confident when he doesnt pull away. 

"Cody's my new assistant" he clarifies.   
"Good for Cody"   
"Hey, you don't need to do that" Harry chuckles fondly, making Louis roll his eyes on the dark. "Even if something was happening, which it isn't, I would leave anyone to come see you" Harry says, the second part coming out more seriously and being met with a scoff from Louis that surprised them both. 

"Do you think that I'm not serious?" Harry asks, his hand stilling on Louis back. There it is again. Hurt. Louis' managed to do it again. "Lou I would... do you really think I would come to the UK and not come see you?" he whispered, making Louis shrug and little bit and blink quickly to try take back in the tears. That's exactly what Louis had thought. 

"Lou why would you... You know I lo... You know how I feel." he whispers, the pain clear in every bit of his voice. 

This is why Louis isn't good enough. 

"Can you say something please?" Harry asks after waiting and it becoming obvious Louis didnt intend to share. He was too busy being thankful it was too dark for Harry to see his silent tears. 

"You just... we haven't talked in a long time and you didnt say anything when you were coming here and you always do and I just though maybe, i don't know..." 

"Tell me please?"

"I don't know Harry, I guess I just thought maybe you didn't want to see me this time. You've got your shows at the O2 and your family here and all those interviews and all the..."

"When has any of that shit every been a priority over you Lou?" Harry says. Hes doing the Harry thing when hes upset and hes hurt but hes trying to stay gentle and kind and not freak out Louis. Hes always looking out for Louis. 

"Since you left me to do all that shit" Louis snaps before he can help himself. Fuck. He wishes he hadn't before it had even left his mouth but it's too late because Harry's already pulling his hands back and leaning up on his elbow and reaching for the lamp. This is when he leaves again

When the dim light comes on, Louis can't even look in Harry's direction but he can definitely feel Harry's eyes boring into his. 

"How long have you been holding onto that one?" harry asks, only hurt in his voice and a bit of surprise. This isnt how he saw this going. 

"Well it's true, Harry. We hardly talk anymore. You're always in interviews or overseas or in a concert or something and you only call me when you're drunk"

"you don't call me at all" Harry says back, his voice calm no matter how much his words are hitting.

"Yes I d..."

"No, Lou. No baby, you don't. I can show you the call logs. You haven't called me in about 4 months. It's me calling you all the time. Which is fine baby, it is. It's okay. Because I know you said you don't want to call in the middle of an interview. Even if you did, I would still answer, but it's fine that you don't. What isn't really fine with me is that you're making out like I'm the one whose dodging you" he explains quietly, eyes on Louis the whole time. 

Louis wishes this would stop. He should have just opened the door and cuddled up to Harry and maybe even kissed him and just went to sleep. Hes in too deep now though and because hes Louis' to stubborn to stop. 

"You've got this whole other life now Harry. I see what you get up to. I'm not an idiot. I-I don't fit there. I don't need your pity and I don"t want to be this annoying little ex that follows you around annoying you" Louis snap. Half of his brain is telling him to shut the fuck up but his mouth keeps moving. 

"Stop it Louis. Stop" Harry sighs. Hes exhausted. You've finally done it this time, he thinks. 

"Do you get how many other place I could be right now? That club i was at, i could have picked any person there to take back to the hotel to fuck. Any of them" Harry starts

"Right well, sorry to get in your way" Louis snap, his eyes filling with tears. 

Harry just ignores him as he keeps ranting. "Instead though I leave to go to find a man whose spent months avoiding me and ignoring my calls and my messages and everything, knowing full well you would be like this, because I love you, and I get here and you accuse me of only talking to you out of pity. You're an idiot sometimes Louis. I'm fucking chasing you over the world trying to keep alive this while you keep trying to kill it. I told you I love you a million times and you won't even say it back anymore. Do you know how shit that is? Telling you I love you and then you just humming and hanging up. Its fucking heartbreaking. You don't talk to me anymore. I get that you feeling self conscious about things but I cant help that if you don"t tell me" he says, crossing his arms, chest rising and falling a but faster than usual. 

Louis doesn't reply, can't reply, just stare at his hands and let's tears fall silently from his eyes. Why can't he just have Harry? Why must he always mess it up. 

After what seems like an eternity of silence, Harry huffs dramatically, turning of the lamp and rolling to face his back to Louis. 

Feel down, Louis knows that everything hes saying is true. He knows hes the one making it hard and he knows if hes honest with himself he has never been given any reason to doubt Harry's love for him that wasnt created in his own imagine. 

He lives Harry too, as much as ever. He really would have called him and asked him to come around and he even had his favorite baking ready to drop off at the party he wasnt invited to to make harry happy. He knew Harry would drop anything ever to talk to him but the rumors and pictures and tabloid headlines just clouded his brain. He Knew the Harry next to him was as in love with him as even and he knew it was the same boy who had held him for a whole week only months ago and whsiepred about marrying him as soon as Louis would let him. Louis knew the real problem wasnt the physical distance of Harry being away, it was the distance Louis for some reason was so determined to face between them. 

Louis doesn't know how to say all that. He can't make the words right now, might not ever be able to. What he can do is show Harry hes going to try and silently ask him to wait just a while longer. 

So, Sniffling quietly, Louis slowly inched over the bed, closing the gap between him and Harry. First his fists find Harry's shirt and next his forehead leans on his broad back. He feels the tensions in Harry melt just a little, before the man rolls on his back. Taking the opportunity, Louis cuddles as close to the man as he possibly can. 

"I love you" he whispers in the dark.

"I love you too" he hears back in a wet voice. 

Maybe they could try again tomorrow and maybe they can get this right.


	2. Two

Louis was always a deep sleeper. He slept through alarms and people moving and phones ringing and even today, Harry getting up and leaving in the morning. 

When Louis does eventually wake up, late on a rainy Saturday, his heart only shatters a little to find the other side of the bed empty, with only a little note in its place. 

Harry was the king of handwritten notes. He had always tell Louis, back when they were together, a handwritten note was the biggest tool in life. He would hand write thank you notes to people and birthday cards and letters and a little note to Louis every morning he had to leave before Louis woke up.

Louis can't help but smile a little when he sees the note, pulling the covers higher to hide from the cold as he reaches out for it. 

"Had to run, have heaps of interviews today and concert this evening. You should come. Call me if you need anything, I have time for you. H x' the note read. Sitting next to it was a lanyard with a backstage pass on it. 

Great.

\--------

Louis used to go to as many concerts as he could. He used to stand right up the front and sing and dance, or hide somewhere in the stands and silently sit and watch. Fans would take photos and Louis would chat to him and honestly, he had kind if liked it. 

The idea of it now seemed awful to Louis. People squealing at him and taking photos and getting too close. Some of his students would undoubtedly be there too and the last thing he needed was rumors going around school about him and Harry. He just wanted to be normal now. 

Despite that and probably his better judgment, Louis finds himself driving to the arena that evening. He hadn't been sure if he was going to go. He hadn't heard from Harry all day. After their conversation last night, he knows Harry was probably trying to make a point by not contacting him, but Louis is too stubborn to cave now. 

Louis regrets not getting to the stadium earlier. Theres no parks for miles, and he ends up having to walk in the rain through all the crowds. The time he reaches the venue, hes soaked and is so so close to just going back home. He would if it was anyone but Harry waiting. Something about watching that man perform was a magic Louis wasn't going to miss. 

After taking the pass from his pocket and slipping it over his head at the check, Louis slips into the arena, knowing absolutely nothing about where he was going. Louis was hopeless with direction and the time he even found his way backstage, he felt awful and anxious. 

People were looking at Louis like he was an alien. He doesn't blame them. A dripping wet man who looks like hes just gone swimming fully clothed is somehow backstage at a Harry Styles concert. Everyone else is in suit or sequins, while Louis is in his jeans and his hoodie that he is suddenly wishing was larger so he could hide in it just a little bit more. 

All the crew here are new. Louis hasn't been backstage at a concert since Harry's last one two years ago. Even since then, he doesn't recognize a single face. He just needs to find someone to ask where Harry is. Anyone here looks like they would laugh at him if he asked. 

Wandering aimlessly is only getting Louis so far, but soon he finds a hall with more security than the rest so he figures Harry must be down there. 

"Excuse me" Louis mumbles to the guard, trying to slip past unnoticed only to be met with a hand to his chest. 

"You can't be down here, sorry sir" the man says, not even looking down at Louis. Right. 

"Oh I'm um... a friend of Harry, I just want to..." He starts, but is cut of by an amused scoff. 

"Everyone back here is a friend of Harrys" the man says sarcastically. "Doesn't matter anyway" hes going on in 2 minutes" he adds.

After trying to prove to the man him and Harry were in fact, "friends", eventually a door a few meters down swings open. Looking like a vision, Harry steps out trailed by a few others, a vision of a pink suit with red patterns, and red platform shoes Louis is going to roll his ankle just looking at. 

"Haz" Louis calls, getting him a glare from the guard who immediately steps between them. 

He sees Harry's neck snap around at the sound and for just a second, Louis sees the sadness on his face transform into hope and then relief. 

"Lou, hey! C'mere. Sorry, Bryan can you..." Harry says to the guard and Louis throws a quick little glare before taking a few steps foward to met Harry half way. 

"I thought you weren't going to...." hs starts to says, eyes darting over the drenched man. 

"I'm sorry, I left later than I should and there was traffic and then no parks which I should have been able to figure out would happen before leaving home and then theres the storm outside and now I'm soaked and I couldn't find you and then they wouldn't let me in" Liuis rambles, his eyes darting all over Harry from his pearls to the comfort on his face to the little crease between his eyebrows. 

"I'm sorry, I had someone waiting but I thought you weren't coming. C'mere, I'll get you a change of clothes" He says softly, his hand taking Louis' without hesitation in the way that makes Louis' stomach flip a few times. 

"Theres literally like twenty thousand people waiting for you H, I can wait" Louis says quietly, a little blush on his cheek as people in Harry's entourage are giving him looks of confusion and annoyance. 

"I've told you a million times, I've always got time for you." 

\--------

Harry sat on the sofa without a care in the world as he waited for the kettle to boil to make Louis a tea. Like there wasn't his team standing outside waiting and like there weren't thousands of people just a few meters away screaming his name. 

"You don't have to wait with me" Louis says for the 20th time, fidgeting with the ends of the coat Harry had given him to wear. It was Harry's size so big on Louis and smelt like him too, and it was honestly overwhelming Louis a bit. 

"I know" Harry just replies this time rather than fighting it and assuring Louis again that he wanted to. 

"Why are you all nervous?" Harry asks after a while, reaching out to grab Louis' hand and pull him over to sit on the sofa. 

" 'm not" Louis mumbles as he avoids eye contact and fidgets profusely. 

Harry hums at him in a way that says 'I'm not buying it' and Louis sighs softly, shrugging his shoulders a bit. 

"Dunno it's just weird, isn't it? I haven't been anywhere like this since... you know and like I really dont gir in here and you are you and literally the star of the show and now I'm in the way of things and your stuck here with me and then after everything last night..." Louis mumbles, glancing up at Harry who has a frown on his lips. Great, and now hes upset Harry. 

"After everything last night you still didn't call me or test me or acknowledge my note in any kind of way so I guess we are both a bit frustrated from the outcome" Harry says, raising an eyebrow at Louis as he finally meets his eye.

Louis doesn't know what to say to that because he knows it's true. He know Harry almost beg for it last night and he still hadn't made any effort. Louis doesn't know exactly what he was running from but he knew if he kept it up, eventually Harry would have to get sick of it.

\----------

Eventually, after Louis has assured Harry that hes warm and he has a tea and knows who to ask for things and has a good seat, Harry does take the stage. Its magic, just the way Louis remembers it.

It's not like he hasn't seen video of Harry perform. Every so often when he was particularly missing the boy, at the times he probably should have just called him, instead he will log onto YouTube and spend hours just watching videos of Harry performing. He always got chills from it, and like always, watching it live was a million times better.

The whole thing was made even more overwhelming by the fact Harry kept looking over at Louis what seemed like constantly. Louis knew basically the whole album was about him. He knew the stories Harry was singing about and knew all the feelings all too well. Before the album came out, Louis had been the first one to listen to the completed version. He cried all night long listening to it on repeat. Harry singing it now, eye a locked with his was a whole other beast.

\----------

When the concert ends, Louis is exhausted. Hes overwhelmed and theres so much to think about and being around Harry makes his mind work a million times harder than it ever has. Hes second guessing every glance, every smile, every brush of the hand, every word. Being with Harry used to be so effortless. It used to be easy and it used to be home. Ever since their break up, everything had been different.

Louis knew the point of a break up was for things to be different, but he never meant it to feel like this. When Louis and Harry had been together they were perfect. They had the kind of love people write novels about and a care for each other that surpassed everything else. Ultimately, that had been what ended them.

It broke Louis' heart to see Harry crying on facetime every night about how much he missed him and how he just wanted to come home and Harry hated how Louis would make himself stay up so late to talk as Harry changed time zones and traveled the world that he was getting in trouble at work. They weren't built for long distance. They were built for hand holding and PDA, not facetime and days without talking.

Eventually, they had decided it was enough. Despite what the tabloids read, it really had been mutual. They had cried and broken down and made love and talked for basically 3 days straight before they knew a break up was the only way foward. It was either continue down the path they were going and eventually, inevitably kill what they had and end up hating what they were doing to each other, or end it for now and save their love for when they could care for it and let it blossom into what it could be.

Like Harry always said, they were end game, and you don't risk end game.

\-------

After the concert, Louis had snuck back into Harry dressing room and was waiting for him on the sofa. He had heard people talking about going out and an after party to celebrate the first show back in the UK in a year. Louis just wanted to say bye before slipping off.

When Harry walks in, he smiles as he sees Louis all tucked up on the sofa in his hoodie, looking moments away from falling asleep.

"You were amazing love, you always are" Louis says with a proud smile. He really was so proud of Harry for everything he had achieved and the person he had become.

"Wanted to put on my best for you, I'm glad you enjoyed it" he says with a smile, giving Louis a wink in the mirror as he wipes of his stage make up.

"I uh... I heard people talking about going out. I'm not going to be able to tonight sorry. I'm tired... actually it's all just kind of a bit much for me honestly right now" he says quietly, making Harry look over his shoulder and raise the corner of his lip in a smile.

"That's the most honest you've been since I've got here, I'm glad we're making progress" he says cheekily which of course gets him and eye roll and a cushion chucked his way.

"Besides, I'm not going out either. I've already ordered takeout to be delivered to your house, and I saw that you had brownie on the counter this morning and I must eat it as soon as possible" He says with a smile, making Louis smile a little bit too.

"But th..."

"Shh, don't start" Harry hushes with a smile, offering Louis his hand to take to leave to go home and for just one night, pretend everything was okay


	3. Three

Harry’s ‘welcome home’ party came a few days later. Louis and Harry had been spending time together. A lot of time. This always happened when Harry was home. It was like for a day or a week or however long Harry happened to be around that time, they were them again. 

They hadn’t kissed. Louis doesn’t know what he would do if they did. My god, they had come close though. Harry had stayed almost every night. Louis would get home from work, and if Harry wasn’t already asleep in Louis’ bed, wrapped in the sheets, sleeping off his jet-lag or generally chaotic life, he wouldn’t be far away. They would cuddle and talk and watch movies and stare at the other when they weren’t looking, but never a kiss where Louis wanted it the most. Harry would kiss his cheek when he arrived, kiss his forehead when he though Louis was asleep, kiss his shoulder as they were spooning, but never the one place he really wanted. The one place that would put them in trouble if they did. 

Louis arrived to Harry’s mums house, holding Harry’s favourite brownie in one hand, and his favourite cheesecake in the other. Year ago, when Louis had flown out to meet Harry on tour somewhere in America, they had snuck out of the hotel and gone to a little diner. Harry said the cheesecake slice they ordered to share was the best thing he had eaten in his whole life, so naturally, Louis got the recipe. 

As Louis approaches the door, he only has time to knock once with his foot due to his arms full of desserts before the door flew open.   
“I told you you were going to get invited” Gemma says with a big smile, taking food from Louis before giving him a big hug.   
“Sorry I’m late” Louis mumbles into her shoulder. He had been stuck up trying to find the right shirt to wear for entirely too long. Being around Harry made him over think everything now. 

“It’s fine. He’s been asking about you” she whispers, giving Louis a little wink, making him shush her quietly as he rolls his eyes and pretends like he’s not aware of the blush creeping up his cheeks. 

Gemma had always been one of the boys biggest supports. She loved Louis from the day Harry had bought him over for family dinner. While the two got along very naturally, what she loved the most was the way Louis obviously made her brother the happiest he had ever been. When they broke up, Gemma had been almost as devastated as the two of them. She would call Louis, begging him to just try talk to Harry about it again, saying her brother was just stressed and depressed and didn’t know what he was doing. She even tricked Louis into meeting up with Harry once while things were all still very new. 

When Louis walks into the living room, seeing all the faces from his past hits him in an overwhelming wave of nostalgia and almost homesickness. There Harry’s grand-parents who owned the little beach house they had stayed at for 3 summers in a row. There Harry’s cousin, some of whom apparently have babies now. There Harry’s friends from school who they used to drink with when they were together and even now will still invite Louis out from time to time just to catch up and undoubtedly report everything back to Harry the next day. And there’s Harry mum who, much like Gemma, had witnessed their undoing almost as intimately as Louis and Harry themselves. 

The part that made Louis feel most uneasy is that every one, every single person in that room, knew about him and Harry. They knew the love they had, they knew about the break up, and they knew about whatever the fuck they were at the moment. They knew how unfinished they were. They knew and it made an uncomfortable hush fall over the room when Louis walked in. This. This is exactly what he had been afraid of. 

“Liam, do my eyes deceive me or is that Louis Tomlinson I see over there with, my god, no drink in his hand?” Louis hears an Irish accent break through the silence and before he can even turn his head, he knows it Niall. Louis quietly thanks god for the man, as everyone turns back towards their conversations. 

“It looks an awful lot like Tommo, but you’re right. Our Tommo wouldn’t be caught out with no drink” Liam quips back and Louis can’t help the little chuckle that came from his lips as he sees two of Harry’s high school friends walking over, sure enough, picking up another beer on their way. 

Sure enough, the sound of Louis’ name on the boys’ lips get Harry’s attention, and he looks up from the conversation he’s in, eyes searching for Louis the same Louis’ had been for him since he walked in. It hadn’t even been a day since they last saw each other, when Harry had snuck out in the morning leaving a kiss on Louis’ temple, but seeing Harry was like lightening every time. Their eyes lock in a silent hello and an little amused smile lifts the edges of Harry’s lips when his eyes dart to Liam and Niall making their way over. His eyebrow raises ever so slightly, asking if he was okay and Louis only has a second to reply with a little nod before he’s enveloped in a hug between Niall and Liam. 

“I told you you were going to be invited” Liam says and Louis laughs softly when he hears Gemma call “so did I” from the kitchen where she was putting the desserts Louis had bought in the fridge. 

“Yeah, yeah” Louis grumbles, rolling his eyes playfully. Similar to Gemma, Louis had told Liam when he had asked that he hadn’t been invited to the party. Liam had only laughed and said he was looking forward to seeing him there.   
-  
As the night goes on, Louis has one drink, then two then three with Liam and Niall. It was on the third drink that Harry finally comes to say hello to the boy.   
Before he can even make it over, Harry starts laughing at the little pout on Louis lips, as he stands with his arms crossed staring at Harry. 

“Oi, give it a rest, love” Harry laughs, wrapping his arms loosely around Louis’ waist and swaying him a bit, reaching up to lightly poke Louis’ lower lip. 

“You didn’t even come to say hi” Louis mumbles, a pout still on his lips and the alcohol making him less nervous around Harry now. Less inclined to second guess every movement and just let them be them. 

“Hi” Harry says softly, giving Louis a little smile, only letting it grow bigger when Louis drops the act and wraps his arms loosely around Harry’s shoulders too. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Louis is aware of people’s eyes on them and the little smile on peoples lips as they whisper their favourite rumours that the two of them might actually be finally getting back together. 

“I’ve seen you’ve been keeping yourself busy though” Harry says with a smile, taking the drink from Louis’ hand to take a sip. 

“I thought you hated gin?” He says with furrowed eyebrows, handing the drink back to Louis who only shrugs. 

“Guess I changed” he says, making Harry raise his eyebrows and a smirk creep over his lips. 

“I guess you have” he says back, looking down at Louis. 

The two are snapped out of their little bubble by the sound of a bottle tumbling over, making both of their heads turn to the side where Liam and Niall and quickly trying to clean up. 

“Sorry, sorry, don’t stop on our accord” Liam says quickly, little knowing smiles on both of their faces making Louis blush a little bit and step back from Harry, making him aware exactly how many people are looking at them. He can tell Harry makes the same realisation, eyes darting around before back to Louis. Unlike the smaller boy though, Harry doesn’t back away, keeping his hand gently on Louis’ back, thumb running back and forth reassuringly as they get another drink.

-

The time the songs have all been sung, the older people all headed home for the night, speeches have been made and everyone has had a good time, it ends up just a few of them sitting out back with their drinks in their hands, dangling their feet in the pool.

When Harry had leant into Louis side and whispered “are you staying with me tonight?” the two had said goodnight to the others, and headed up to Harry’s room, ignoring their looks and comments as best they could. 

“Does it really bother you? When they do things like that?” Harry had asked once they were in the privacy of his part-time bedroom in his mothers house. The family had moved when Harry had began making more money into a nicer house, and Anne always kept a room spare for Harry. 

“I mean… they just want us to get back together” Louis mumbles, toeing off his shoes and reaching his hand out to accept the shirt Harry was offering him to sleep in.   
“And you don’t like that?” Harry asks, stripping back into his boxers himself before crawling under the blankets. Harry was always one to try to get Louis talking after a few drinks when he had his guard down. 

“I don’t know” he shrugs a little bit, feeling Harry's hands come quickly to his hips as he stumbles getting his jeans off. 

“ ‘m okay” he assures, feeling Harry’s hands move away cautiously, only to climb into bed next to him a few moment later. 

“Does it bother you when they do it?” Louis asks Harry, both of them laying on their sides facing each other, legs running over each others. 

“No” Harry replies with all too much certainty. “I mean… they know us. They know what happened and they just want the best for us.” He says.

“Which is us getting back together?” Louis asks quietly and even in the dark he can make out Harry’s demeanour change.

“Is that still something that you want?” he asks into the dark and Louis sighs softly, wishing he hadn’t brought them back here yet again. 

“You know what I want, Harry” Is all he replies, making a sigh now fall from Harry’s lips. 

“I don’t really love. And even if I do, it would be really nice to hear you say it sometimes” he whispers and Louis runs his hands over his face. He can never seem to get through an evening without upsetting Harry about this. 

“Its just… its hard Harry” He says quietly into the dark, turning on his back to look up at the ceiling. 

“Explain it to me?” Harry’s voice is much closer now as the man scoots closer. 

“Honestly?” Louis asks.

“Honestly. Please, I’ve been waiting months for honestly” Harrys says quickly. 

“I don’t get what we’re waiting for. I mean…. We love each other Harry. We both know that. Everyone in the fucking room tonight knows that” He says, running his hand through his hair, his drunk brain letting out the things his sober brain won’t let him. 

“I don’t get what the fuck we’re waiting for. I know we agreed to wait, but I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel and we’re just drifting further and further apart. You have your job and I’m so proud of you, you know that and I would never let you give that up for me. But I have my job here too and I love it. I really love it. And you live in LA and go to A-list parties and clubs and shows and everything and I mark kid’s homework and go to that stupid pub-quiz with my friends as a social life and that’s worlds apart. We are so different now I don’t get how he fit back together in the real world. It works when we’re here and you’re not you and I’m not me but I… I don’t think we work in reality” he says, trying to choose his words as carefully as he can from his limited drunken vocabulary. 

There’s no reply for a minute, maybe two and even when there is, it’s only a little broken “oh.”

“So what does that mean?” Harry whispers after what is possibly another hour or so of silence. Even if it was jut a few seconds, it may as well been an hour in Louis’ mind, and he held his breath the whole time. 

“I don’t know.” He knows exactly what that means, but he cannot possibly make himself say it. 

“Okay” Harry sighs softly, rearranging himself on the bed. For a panicked moment, Louis thinks that hes going to leave. That maybe that was it and this is the time Harry actually leaves. He hadn’t even realised he had been crying until the panicked sob left his lips. 

“C'mere” Harry coos softly, immediately back by Louis side, brushing back his fringe and wrapping his arms around him, getting him as close as he can. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” Louis sobs into Harrys chest. Hes apologizing to himself as much as Harry. He just doesn’t know why being in love is so easy for everyone else yet it does nothing but hurt him and the one he loves the most. 

“No, no, love. You don’t apologise for how you feel” Harry assures, his own voice cracking even though it’s in a whisper. Harrys told him that probably hundreds of times. Harry never got mad at him. Never raised his voice and always tried to be as gently and caring as he knew how to be with Louis, even when things seemed to be falling apart. 

After listening to Harry heart beating in his chest and his quietly mumblings, the panic running through Louis’ veins slows to a controllable amount and breathing becomes a little more possible. 

“I love you so much. More than anything. You know that, right?” He eventually whispered to Harry, looking up and making out Harrys features in the dark room. 

“I’ve never doubted that, Lou” He assures softly. 

Before Louis can over think it or second guess himself, hes leaning up and pressing his lips to Harry’s in the kiss he’s been waiting for. Their lips move slowly against each others, both knowing exactly where they fit. This might be the only place really feels like he fits. Harry was where he fit. 

After pulling away, neither of the boys say anything. There was nothing to say. Harry closes the gap between them one last time, and Louis can feel Harry’ wet tears on his lips. He knows too. 

“Goodnight, love” Harry whispers, pressing a kiss to Louis’ forehead before closing his eyes, and both of them laying silently awake for hours in each others arms.


	4. Four

After that night, things were different. It was like their break up, all over again. Louis had left the next morning, sneaking out before Gemma and Anne could wake up, and leaving Harry sitting in his bed blinking back tears. 

Louis had called in sick from work the past two days, opting instead to just lay in bed. He had cried until he was sure he had nothing left, but then would start crying again whenever something reminded him of Harry. 

He felt heart broken for what he had lost but stupid because he knew the whole thing, in all reality, had ended almost three years ago now. All they had been doing was pushing back the inevitable, holding on to the slim hope that something would miraculously changed and everything would be perfect again. As Louis lay in bed, in-between fits of crying, he tried to think about the whole thing as rationally as he could. He knew, deep down, both him and Harry knew they couldn’t work anymore. For years they had been letting themselves drift apart with neither of them doing anything to stop it. 

Maybe they could have come up with a plan. Maybe they could have said once every few months they would meet up somewhere in the world. Maybe they could have stuck to plans to call every single weekend like they used to. Maybe Louis could have stopped being so stubborn and just moved to LA with Harry. When Harry had bought a house out there and decided its where he wanted to settled, he had asked Louis to come, and he had decided not to. Louis knows he hadn’t done anything to stop this from happening. 

All the hypotheticals don’t make it hurt any less. He hates this. Hates the way his flatmates look at him all sad every time he gets brave enough to leave his room. Hates the way Gemma and Anne text him to ask if he’s okay. Hates the way his heart hurts and he feels nauseous all the damn time. But more than anything, hates the Harry hadn’t called. Harry always calls. 

It takes a few days and a few listens over Harrys album to realise that’s the point. Harry always calls. From the moment Harry arrived back in England, that had been his point; Harry always calls. After toying with the idea for hours, Louis caves and does the thing he thinks Harry wants the most. 

It only takes two rings for Harry to pick up. ‘I’m never going to be too busy for you’ Harrys words ring in his head. 

“Give me a sec, Lou, I’m just leaving a meeting, don’t hang up please” He says softly into the phone as soon as he answers, before clearly moving the phone away from his ear. In the background, Harry can hear a few different voices mumbling, and one which he swears is Niall saying ‘is that Louis?’ before he hears a door shutting and Harry’s voice up close again. 

“Hey, are you still there?” he asks, and Louis hums softly in response. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, pulling his covers up higher and tucking his head under as he curls into a ball. He hated being vulnerable like this, but he tries his best to just keep reminding himself that its only Harry. 

“I’m uh…. I’m in the studio actually. I’ve uh… I’ve been writing a bit of stuff in the past few days since… yeah” He mumbles, trailing off. “Niall’s actually here too. We were talking about him doing some guitar stuff on some of the tracks” Harry explains, obviously just talking to fill in any awkward gaps but it makes Louis smile anyway. 

“Niall’s big break, huh? How’s it going?” He asks softly, wanting to hear Harry’s voice a little bit more. If he closed his eyes maybe he could pretend he was there.

The sad little chuckle he gets in response makes him happy and sad all at the same time. 

“He’s going really good actually. You know Niall, thinks he’s a proper rock star now” Harry says softly, clearly trying to make a joke but the humour not really reaching his voice.   
Louis laughs softly in response. He can completely envision that. 

“How are you? I was really hoping you would call” Harry says, quieter now and definitely no humour left in his voice. 

At least he got that part right.

“I’m pretty shit” he admits after a few seconds, figuring there’s no point in sugar-coating it now. There’s no point hiding anything at this stage.   
Its almost easier when Harry is over the phone too. Its how he’s most used to talking to him, it’s easier to say how he’s feeling.

“Yeah, me too” Harry sighs softly. Louis can picture it now. Harry outside the recoding studio, head leaning back against the wall with the phone pressed to his ear. 

Louis doesn’t know why he called. He doesn’t even have anything to say, and he doesn’t know if this is making him feel better or a million times worse. 

“Do you really want to end it? Like, for good?” Harry asks eventually, his voice cracking but him quickly clearing his throat to try to cover it up. He hates that hes the reason Harry is hurting so much. He always seems to be the reason Harry is hurting. 

“No” he whispers honestly, curling more into himself in his bed. He wants to marry Harry. He wants Harry to be the father of his children. 

He hears Harry sigh in relief but maybe frustration. 

“What the fuck are we doing then, Louis?” Harry sighs. Frustration. Its definitely frustration and that makes Louis start to feel uneasy. 

“I – I don’t know” Louis stutters a bit, not used to the tone in Harry’s voice now. He knows he’s given Harry every right to be frustrated and that Harry often puts up with the same attitude from him, but it makes Louis feel like he really has messed it up for good this time. 

When Harry doesn’t reply, he starts to worry. 

“When are you leaving?” Louis whispers into the phone. He can hear the desperation in his own voice and his tears and he hates it. He hates that its this hard. 

He knows Harry’s heard it too because his voice softens again. 

“I’ve got two more nights. I um… I’ve already pushed it back so I can’t stay for any longer, I’ve got a show” He says softly, and Louis nods silently, tears quietly falling from his eyes.   
He’s going to leave in two days and Louis just knows that will be the end of them. 

“Do you think you could come over before you go?” Louis whispers, eyes squeezed shut, trying to fight off a panic attack. He can’t lose Harry like this. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’d really like that” He says softly. “Do you need me to come now, love?” he asks softly and Louis can’t say yes quickly enough.   
-  
When Harry softly knocks and then pushes open Louis’ door, Louis sits up quickly, not knowing the boys had arrived since one of his flatmates has let him in. Before he can say anything, Harry closes the space between them in a few wide strides and has Louis wrapped in his arms, hushing him softly and swaying him, just holding him and telling him that everything will be okay. 

Slowly, Louis’ breathing slows until there is only the occasional hiccup in Harry’s chest, and his shirt is wet with tears. 

“I’m really glad that you called” Harry mumbles softly, running his fingers carefully through Louis’ messy hair that hadn’t been washed in far too long. 

“Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?” Louis whispers into Harrys chest, getting him held a bit closer in response. 

“I would never do that” he assured softly. 

Louis didn’t know what else there was to say, so just stayed quietly trying to memorize as much as he possibly could about Harry, in case this was the last time. 

-

Slowly, time passes and as the sky turns darker, the two go from sitting to laying down, still holding each other close, quietly sharing little mumbled stories with each other of different things they’ve done through their relationship and everything that followed.

They talk about the time they went sight seeing in Brazil and got lost for hours, and the time Harry cancelled a show because he just wanted to be with Louis on his last night in Australia. The laugh about sneaking away from security guards and their holidays and look back on the photos both men keep saved in the depths of their phones. 

“This is what I miss that most, Lou. I miss just talking to you. And you being comfortable with me” Harry says eventually, looking down at the man using his arm as a pillow. 

Louis defensively opens his mouth to say he doesn’t know what Harry is talking about, but sighs softly and closes it again and shrugs his shoulders. 

“I just don’t know how to act around you sometimes anymore” He admits, tilting his head slightly to look up at Harry and take in the little smile on his lips. 

“Do you see how much easier this is when you’re honest with me?” He teases, reaching down to playfully tickle Louis’ side briefly, making him squirm and giggle, mumbling a little “shut up.”

“So tell me about that, then. What makes you be all weird?” Harry teases with a little smile, but the question serious. 

“I just… Like I don’t know what I’m allowed to do. Like what we can talk about and what I can ask about and like… like if I can kiss you or like touch you” he mumbles the last part, eyes dropping back down as a blush rises over his cheeks. Louis always got nervous and awkward in talks like these. 

“Well, you’re allowed to talk to me about anything you want. You could tell me or ask me literally anything you wanted.” Harry starts softly. 

“I’ve told you millions of times Louis” Harry starts, placing his hand softly on Louis’ chin and mumbling ‘look at me.’ “I’m yours, yeah? Yours. You are allowed to do whatever you want to. You know there’s no pressure from me, but if you want to kiss me, or touch me or do anything, I love that idea.” Harry says softly. 

“I just feel like we’re friends and friends don’t do that” Louis explains in a whisper, not wanting to speak to loud and burst their bubble. 

“Lou, we’re not friends. You and I are never going to be able to be friends like other people are. We’ve got so much going on that none of that can apply to us” Harry says softly, brushing back Louis’ fringe carefully. Louis knows that he’s right. They can’t ever be friends in the conventional way other people are. 

Louis stays quiet, Harry’s words echoing in his head. I’m yours. Louis can’t make the words stop, no matter how hard he tries, they just ring and echo in his brain until he can’t take it anymore and he finally presses their lips together. 

Hes moving fast, faster than he ever usually would but he needs it. Harry’s just given him permission and he knows that he can’t tell Harry everything that he needs to say, but he sure as hell knows he can show him. Their tongues dance with each other, lips colliding in a messy state, the little whimpers falling out of Louis’ mouth is a music Harry has gone far too long without. 

“Louis, baby, love, slow down baby, slow down. I’m not going anywhere. Promise, slow down baby” Harry says quickly when he pulls away, already out of breath and biting his own lip as Louis takes the opportunity to kiss down his neck. The pressure of Harry’s hands on his hips and voice in his ears is enough to ground Louis and calm down his anxious thoughts. Harry knows how Louis gets, knows everything about Louis, and knows exactly how to handle when he gets like this. 

“There you go” Harry whispers as Louis becomes mess frantic. “Good boy, there you go” he groans softly, letting his head fall back as Louis sucks a mark into his collarbone, straddling the mans waist. 

When Louis’ head pops up from his assault, Harry can see in his eyes in a moment the need. Slightly glazed over, blinking quickly and eyes darting over Harry face. He hasn’t seen Louis like this in years, but still knows exactly what to do to take care of the boy. His boy. 

“You want this, love? You sure?” Harry asks softly, not completely confident that once they start he will have the will power to stop. 

“Yes” Louis says quickly, already slightly out of breath. “Please, yes, I want you…”

“Okay, okay darling. I’m here. You’ve got me. Whatever you want you’ve got. You make sure to tell me if you want to stop or if it gets too much or you need a break or anything, yeah?”

“Yeah, I remember” Louis assures quickly, hands grabbing at the fabric of Harry’s shirt to ground him and keep him from floating off, only until Harry quickly replaces them with his own hands, kissing the back of Louis’ hands. 

Louis has always been one to get a bit overwhelmed during sex. In little, sex drunk mumbles afterwards, he had always told Harry it was like he could feel so much love it sometimes got a too much. Harry had done research, years ago when them sleeping together was a regular thing, and found out it was called subspace. He thought it was adorable, and it made him feel all sorts of ways inside to know Louis still felt like that for him. 

Harry rolls the pair over so he’s on top. Louis stares up at him with glossy eyes, running his hands down Harrys chest. 

“Want it off?” He offers softly, quickly lifting his shirt over his head when Louis whines and nods, feeling his hips move ever so slightly underneath where Harry was straddling him. Once Harry is bare chested in front of him, Louis wastes no time running his hands over his chest, eyes darting around and taking it all in. Harry had been sleeping shirtless next to him many nights since his return but it wasn’t like this. 

Harry gently pushes Louis’ hands away before moving down to kiss Louis, carefully working to slow him down and give the younger boy a chance to breath. When they were together, Louis becoming overwhelmed and crying through sex wasn’t uncommon, and Harry didn’t want that to happen now. Not on the first time.   
After a few minutes of kissing, Harry feel Louis hips start to grind up into his. He doesn’t doubt that he could come like that. Sometimes hes sure he could come from just looking at Louis. 

“Is that how you want it, love? Do you want to come like this?” Harry asks softly, pulling back enough to cup Louis’ cheek and run his thumb gently over it as he waits for an answer. Louis was exactly as he had remembered. The way he takes longer to think when he’s like this, the way hes desperate for any touch or attention Harry will give him. Harry is willing to give him it all. 

“I don’t think so” Louis eventually whispers, his voice softer and smaller than usual. 

“How do you think you might like to come?” Harry asks softly, patient as ever as he waits again for Louis response. It takes a while, and Harrys sure he can see the gears turning in Louis’ mind in slow motion.

“I want… I want to have sex” He mumbles, eyes darting back up to Harry. Harry’s dreamed of hearing that a few times a week for the past few years. 

“Yeah? I think I would like that too. I’d really like that” Harry whispers softly, leaning down to press another kiss to Louis’ waiting lips. 

Harry feels Louis’ nails dig into his arm as he moves and he quickly leans back to reassure his boy. “Just gonna get you out of these clothes, yeah? Is that okay?” he whispers, getting a immediate nod back from Louis. 

Harry hasn’t seen Louis naked in almost a year and a half, since their last slip up like this. Since then, Louis has matured. He knows the boys has been working out, and he can see it in his body. He can see the definition where there wasn’t any before, and muscle in new places. 

He doesn’t have time to focus on that properly though, because he just need to get inside Louis and give them what they both want.   
-  
“Have you got any lube around here, sweet boy?” Harry asks as he crawls back up the bed once they’re both naked, letting Louis’ wandering hands touch anywhere on his body he wanted. 

“Yeah” Louis nods softly, only looking back up at Harry's eyes when he hears a little chuckle. 

“Care to be a little more specific?” he teases softly with a big dimply smile making Louis smile just because Harry was and ask Harry to repeat the question before he figures out what was really being asked and directing Harry to his top draw. 

Harry can’t help the little his that comes from his lips when Louis wraps his hand around his cock when he wasn’t expecting it, but he immediately feels awful with the speed that Louis pulls back and with how quickly he apologizes and begins to blush. 

“Hey, no, no darling. Just… I’m not going to last for very long already. Theres a very really chance I come just from looking at you at the moment. Wanna wait till I’m inside” He explains quickly, leaning down to pepper kisses all over Louis’ face. 

Louis mumbles something that Harry misses, twice, before he eventually says it louder. 

“I don’t think you’re going to fit” He mumbles, avoiding eye contact as he blushes deeply, starting to become shy all over again and withdrawal. 

“I’ve fit every other time, babe” Harry says softly, ducking his head to try and get him to meet his eyes. 

“But I haven’t… I haven’t since the last time we….” Louis whispers, biting his lip so hard Louis thinks he might make it bleed. Hes silent for a few seconds, trying to figure out what Louis is talking about before he realises. Louis hasn’t had sex with anyone since the last time they did, nearly 2 years ago. 

“Oh” Harry says softly, dropping down to lay next to Louis who was quite quickly getting shy and putting his barriers back up. 

“Please don’t stop, I still want to…” Louis starts to say, his voice becoming frantic again as Harry quickly hushes him. 

“Not stopping, baby, just want to talk to you for a second” Harry assures, kissing his shoulder. 

“Am I…. Am I still the only person you’ve slept with Lou?” Harry asks softly, gently turning Louis head to look at him and only just catching the embarrassed little nod. 

“Baby, that’s nothing to be shy about. I love that. Love that I’m the only one who sees you like this. Fucking love it. That you’re all mine” He whispers quietly, kissing down Louis’ neck as he feels him start to relax. 

Harry knows that’s something Louis is self-conscious about. Harry was his first and apparently his only. Harry on the other hand had slept with people before Louis and as shitty as he feels about it, has slept with people after Louis. Louis know about it, but it doesn’t make him feel any better. 

“Just going to need to open you up, nice and slow for me. I’ll fit baby, I promise” Harry assures him once he’s leaning into his kisses more. 

-

Harry takes his time, one hand clasping Louis’ and the other, lube soaked with a finger carefully circling Louis’ rim. Harry can feel how Louis reacts to the smaller touch and desperately wants to be inside his love, but doesn’t dare rush him. 

When he pushes the first finger again, he can’t help but gasp softly. The squeeze on his finger. The feeling of actually being inside Louis after so longer. Louis’ hand squeezing his. The look on Louis face; eyes half shut and mouth half open. Being like this with Louis is truly the best thing in the world. 

Moving slowly, Harry works in one finger, then two, then three. The time Louis’ hole is stretching around three fingers, the boy is making sinful noises and begging Harry, telling him that’s he’s ready for him, to hurry up and get in him. 

Once Harry is satisfied that he’s not going to hurt his love, he pulls his fingers out slowly and hushes Louis’ whines about being empty softly as he reaches for a condom.   
“No” Louis whines, reaching out to take Harry’s hand. “Don’t need it. I want to feel you” He begs in a whisper, his eyes already filling with tears in desperation. 

Harry blinks slowly as he looks at Louis, cradling his cheek softly. Whatever the boy asked for right now, hes sure he would give it to him.   
“Okay. Okay baby, whatever you want” he assures softly, kissing his forehead as Harry re-aligns himself between Louis’ legs. 

“Ready?” He whispers softly, making sure to get a little nod from Louis before slowly pushing into his warm heat. 

“Fuck” Harry gasp, having to reach for the base of his cock to stop himself from coming straight away. “Oh, fuck Louis” He whines highly, leaning his forehead down to rest on the boys collarbone. It was almost too much. The vice grip of his cock, the warm heat, the feeling of Louis’ fingers digging into his forearm and the others wrap in his own, and the little shallow breath falling from Louis’ moth right into his ear. He never wanted to leave. 

“Feels okay?” He asks in a whisper when hes regained a small bit of strength, placing open mouth kisses along Louis’ jaw. 

“I love you” he hears Louis whisper, his voice breaking and he pulls back to look the boy in his eyes. Harry thinks he probably died at went to heaven. 

“I love you. Do you feel alright?” He tries again softly, looking into Louis’ eyes, wanting to make sure hes not in pain. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay” Louis whispers, his hands cupping Harrys cheeks. He can tell they are in the same euphoria from the look on his face, so slowly begins to move. 

As far as Harry is concerned, Louis is a piece of art, especially when hes like this. It’s the most beautiful thing Harry has ever seen; the way the boys head tilts back to present his jaw line, how his eyes roll back till just little white silts remain, and Harry knows the little ‘uh’ noises that fall from his mouth with every movement are the purest sound hes ever heard. 

Sure enough, as Harry knew, it was only a few minutes before he was on his edge, but he was doing his best to hold on for Louis.   
“Harry, I’m gonna…” He trails off, wide eyes flying open as his fingers dig in more, surely leaving bruises wherever they lay on Harrys body, that he would wear proudly for days. 

“Gonna come for me? All mine, yeah? You’re all mine” He grunts, his own thrusts becoming more eradicate now, obsessed with what each movement did to Louis’ body.   
“All yours” Louis whimpers, tears of pleasure slipping from his eyes as he stares back at Harry.   
“I’m all yours” Harry grunts in reply between thrusts and that all it takes for Louis’ mouth to fall open in a silent scream and his eyes fall shut.   
Harry holds out long enough to take Louis through his orgasm, watching the boys body tremor through the aftershocks and gasps for air fall from his opens lips. That was enough for Harry to follow, catching a glimpse of Louis’ eyes fly back open as he felt Harry’s seed begin to enter him, before the mans arms collapsed, thrusting into Louis rabidly as his head falls to the boys collarbones, mumbling about how much he loved him and how sorry he was and how beautiful he was and how much he loved him again. 

When Harry eventually pulls out, he shivers at the feeling and coos softly at Louis’ whose eyes roll back again. Harry quietly moves down Louis’ belly, stopping at this belly to lick up Louis’ come that lay on his belly, savoring the taste of his love.

“Can I…” Louis whispers and Harry already knows what he wants from his deep blush, falling to the side of the man and gently collecting his own come which was falling slowly from Louis’ stretched hole, and feeding it back to the tired man. 

-

When Harry wakes the next morning, Louis is already sitting up in bed next to him, glasses on and writing in his journal. Harry smiles softly to himself, staying quiet and just watching the boy for a while before he notices hes woken up. 

Harry nervous about what the morning will bring. The night before had been beyond his dreams but half of his mind was convinced it was goodbye sex. Harry thought that might break him. 

“You’re being creepy” Louis says without even looking up from his book, a little smirk coming over his lips as he continues to write. 

At least he seems to be in a good mood.

“You feeling okay?” He asks softly, looking up at the boy with a little smile. His voice is croaky and deep, the way it always is in the mornings and he clears his throat a few times. 

“Yeah, I’m good” Louis assures him, glancing away from his journal to give him a little smile. Harry knows full well the boy will be sore but also knows hes far too stubborn to admit it so just gives him a little knowing smile. 

“What are you working on?” Harry asks, moving over a little bit to rest his sleepy head in Louis’ lap. 

Louis looks at him for a seconds, hesitates for only a moment, before turning the journal to let Harry see. Harry has to rub the sleep from his eyes and blink a few times to get them to focus before he can read the title of the list Louis is writing. 

It says:  
‘Ways Me and Harry might be able to work”


	5. Five

The list that Harry and Louis end up coming up with is kind of a last option. It’s the slither of hope they can both hold on to and the light at the end of the tunnel that Louis has been needing. It sets out rules about talking to each other on the phone at least once a week, being honest with each other in all things from how their feeling to who they’re sleeping with and it says that when Harry’s next tour ends, in the tour break when he is writing and recording, Louis will move to LA so they can live together. 

It what they both needed – a promise, and end date and a little bit of hope. 

Unfortunately, a few months after Harry had to return to LA, aspects of it already feel like they aren’t possible.

The biggest issue continues to be what it had always been; finding time to call each other. At the start, they stuck to it. They were committed and ready to make it work until they could properly be together, and the first months or so, they did talk several times every week, telling each other everything about what they had been up to in their very different lives. It was better than before. Louis knew the names of Harry’s LA friends, and Harry knew the names of the kids in Louis’ classes that annoyed him. 

The issue came when Louis started to coach the school football team on the night that their phone calls were always scheduled. Louis had offered not to do it, said that if it was going to be a problem, he wouldn’t, but Harry had assured him time and time again it was okay and that he wanted him to do what he wanted. They would find another time, he assured. 

The only issue is they hadn’t really. Mondays Louis had the football team, Tuesday Harry his favourite studio booked, Wednesday was the only social thing Louis ever really did – a pub quiz with his friends. The other days were taken up by meetings and other commitments, leaving them with the arrangement that landed them in this mess – one of them staying up into the early hours of the morning to talk. 

Things started happen just like they had before. People became tried and grumpy, they interrupted eachother in meetings and at other events and eventually, calling just became a bit too hard for them. 

Louis and Harry had talked about it; the decided they were okay, they could stick to the plan. It was only a year and a half until their plan to move into together in LA, until they could begin being them again and not have to do this middle ground. They could just text.   
The issue with texting became someone would forget to reply, someone would be asleep and it ended up being hours or days between replies until conversation just… stopped. 

One Saturday night, Liam and Niall had invited Louis out for a drink, the way they do. The way he’s sure came as a direct order from Harry for them to go and check on him. Never the less, Louis enjoyed hanging out with the boys, so met them at a pub near-by. 

After catching up for a while, they eventually get back to Harry. Everything always leads back to Harry. 

“H said you guys were doing good and talking heaps but not so much anymore” Liam says, sipping at his beer. Louis hums softly with a shrug, he’s not so sure there’s much else to say other than that. 

“It happens. We’re both busy” Louis says with a shrug, trying to play it off like it doesn’t kill him inside. 

“You guys always figure it out.” Niall assures him with a smile. At lease one of us feel confident about it Louis thinks with a fake little smile. 

“We were thinking…” Liam starts and Louis laughs softly. 

“Oh god, here we go” Louis laughs softly, figuring the boys were finally getting to their point now. 

“Some of Harry’s mates in LA are putting a surprise birthday thing together for him. Its like a ‘congrats on the album/ happy birthday/ general lets have a party surprise. And some of his friends from over there said they hear Harry talking about us and invited us all. Li, Gemma and I are all going and we though it would be really cool if you wanted to come to? Harry would be happy as if you came” Niall says with a hopeful smile on his lips.   
Louis bites his lip softly, thinking about it. 

“Eh, I don’t know” He says softly, not wanting to let the boys down but also, maybe irrationally, afraid of getting all the way there and finding out Harry didn’t even want him there in the first place. He didn’t want to ruin Harrys night with all their drama. 

“What? What could you possibly be unsure about? Harrys friends with celebrities and shit, it will be a crazy party” Liam says. “Please? It will be so fun” he added softly, doing his puppy dog eyes at Louis. 

“I don’t know, I don’t really fit in with those types, and I can’t really get time of school at the moment and tickets to LA are a lot of money that I don’t really have…” he lists, biting his lip. 

“You’re telling me that Harry isn’t your sugardaddy? Surely he gives you money and shit” Niall says.   
“Excuse me, I make my own money” Louis replies, faking like he’s offended. Harry’s offered, of course he has. Harry always tries to give him money but Louis never accepts it. 

“Besides, school holidays are coming up. I’ll buy your ticket. There, we’re settled! We’re all going to LA!” Niall cried happily, and Liam joined in too, clinking their drinks together in celebration. They looked so excited, Louis didn’t have the heart to say no. 

-

The time Louis got home, its already late and hes had had a few drinks so after a quick google to check on the time in LA, hes dialling Harry’s number. Its been about a month and a half since they’ve spoken and he misses his voice. Sure he hears it in snapchats or in audio clips he sends but its not the same.   
Like always, Harry picks up almost immediately. 

“Hey babe, hold on a sec, yeah?” He hears Harry call over some loud music and immediately feels bad for interrupting time with his friends. 

“Sorry, I can call back, go hang out with your friends” he says, cuddling close to one of Harry’s shirt that hes left behind that he slept with every night. 

“I’m not with friends, I’m just boxing and have the music loud” Harry explains with a smile clear in his voice once its turned down. Louis can hear him a little bit out of breath too. 

“Oh.” Louis says with a little smile. “I didn’t know you were boxing again. I thought you were more into yoga and all that at the moment” He says, staring at his roof with a smile. 

“I was but then I got all mad because theres these dumb rumours going around that I swore at this guy and was really rude to him and all these big agencies are talking about it” Harry explained, before they start talking about that and recording and all kinds of other things. Louis is so grateful that when him and Harry do talk, its not weird, and its like they had just talked the day before. He really was making an effort to not put up barriers with Harry again, no matter how hard he was trying.   
They finally hang up nearly 6 hours later, only when Louis realises, to his amusement, that the annoying light in his eyes is the sun.   
Louis then texts Niall and tells him to book the ticket to LA, that he would love to come to the party. 

-

2 months later, Liam, Niall, Gemma and Louis all board a plane heading to LA. To say Louis was nervous would be an understatement. He was scared that things would go wrong but he was also scared in the way that he always gets before he sees Harry. All the fears come back to him. What if Harry doesn’t find him attractive anymore? What if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if hes for some reason decided that Louis is suddenly really annoying? The possibilities and endless. 

Louis has never been one to sleep on planes, so the whole way there, hes awake, bouncing his legs and getting more and more anxious about what’s waiting for him on the other side. A long 12 hours later, Louis is sure the bags under his eyes are massive as the plane lands. He hadn’t been able to sleep the night before either, too nervous about what was going to happen. Now the first time he sees Harry in over 6 months, he’s going to look like shit – great. 

“You look like shit Lou” Niall says as they wait for their bags, earning him Louis’ middle finger in response. He feels like shit too but hearing someone else say it isn’t exactly reassuring. To make things even worse, because Niall is an idiot, he booked the flights to land only 2 hours before the party started, and Harry house was 45 minutes away. 

-

“Hey, I’m Alex. I’m so glad you guys could all make it. H is going to be so happy to see you all” He says, giving each of them a hug as they arrive at Harry’s house. Louis doesn’t really like the way this man is calling Harry H. That’s a thing the do at home and it sounds off in the American accent but he reminds himself hes just tired and grumpy. 

“Come in, I’ll show you the rooms your going to be staying in. We had everyone else get hotels but we knew H wouldn’t mind you all saying here” he says, walking them down the hall way and Louis almost asks if he lives here too, the way hes inviting people into Harry’s home. 

“H is just at the studio and should be back in about half an hour or so. Theres bathroom in each of the rooms and everything, so just do whatever you want and I’ll call out when hes getting close” Alex explains as they walk down the hallway, barely having time to look around. 

Theres already quite a few people here. Theres girls in bikinis out back playing volleyball and boys drinking in Harrys living room without a care in the world. Theres what seem to be catering and bar staff here too, an there more and more people arriving by the second. Louis already doesn’t think this will be a good time. They already all seem pretentious but, he reminds himself, they can’t be that bad if they’re friends with Harry, the sweetest man Louis has ever met. 

They split of one by one until they get to Louis room, the last one in the hall. Louis thanks the man, trying to come across as nice as he can, before walking into the room and shutting the door behind him. Nothing about this house seems like Harry. Harry house at home feel like a home. This house seems so opposite to Harry – its clinically white and its flashy with expensive things everywhere. It super star Harry Styles, not just Harry. 

-

Louis must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knows, hes woken up by Niall at his door telling him Harry is 5 minutes away. 

Stumbling out of the hard bed, Louis quickly goes to the bathroom and jumps in the shower for all of 30 seconds to hopefully get the plane smell off him before picking out the close he had luckily already packed at the very top of his bed. He had just some jeans and a top he really liked that Harry had sent him for Christmas last year. 

Looking in the mirror, Louis quickly comes to the unfortunately realisation he can’t fix nearly 24 hours of no sleep in the minute he has, so just sigh and quickly makes his way out to the living room. As he walks down the hall, he sees everyone hiding in different places all over the house. Louis can’t help but think it’s stupid because Harry will see everyone’s cars anyway. Nevertheless, when about 20 different people whisper as him to hide, he just takes a few steps back into the hall way to wait. 

As he hears a car pull up outside, all Louis’ fatigue stop and the nerves take over again. Harry’s outside. Harry is here and he’s right outside and then in a few seconds he’s going to be inside. Louis’ can hear his heart pounding in his ears, can feel has hands shaking by his side and his stomach doing summersaults.   
Louis suddenly wishes he had taken an extra 30 seconds to fix his hair or even brush his teeth or just do something to feel so gross when hes about to see Harry for the first time in half a year. When everyone finds out who he is, their all going to wonder why Harry is into such a slob. Shit, Louis is meant to be moving here in a year and these will be his friends – they’re never going to want to be friends with him now.   
As Louis struggles to get his breathing under control, he hears a few people shushing each other and he can’t help but think its them he’s shushing because his breathing is probably incredibly loud. 

The next few second took place in slow motion in Louis mind, and have played on repeat ever since.   
Theres a sound of keys in the door, followed by the sound of boots on the wooden floor. Harry. Louis can tell by his strides that he’s confused. They’re slow and theres only a few before they stop. 

After a few seconds of silence, Louis hears a deep “what the….” Come from Harrys mouth. 

Then everything erupts. 

People jump from everywhere, some yelling surprise, some yelling happy birthday and then others just cheering. Louis step out from his hiding spot and smiles widely as he sees Harry standing in front of all the people he loves, cheering and clapping for him. He’s confused, but happy.   
Next, its Louis’ turn to be confused. 

A blonde woman, one of the most gorgeous women Louis has ever seen bounces up from behind the sofa. 

“Happy Birthday Baby!” she yells as she bounds towards Harry. She has long legs, so it only takes a few large strides before shes jumping. Harrys hand instantly go to catch her, supporting the mysterious woman by her thighs as she wraps her long legs around Harrys waist. 

The smile Harry has on his face is bad enough. Its his proper happy, dimply smile. It’s the smile Anne calls his ‘Louis smile.’ Only, Louis is not the recipient this time. What made it a million times worse was when the woman lean forward and pressed her lips to Harrys in a kiss. It could have lasted only a second but in Louis’ mind it was roughly a year. 

Everyone in the room cheered and laughed at them, as did Harry when they eventually pulled apart. 

“Look H, we got your friends from England over too!” The woman says in her harsh American accent, gesturing to where Liam, Niall and Gemma were all standing behind the piano on the other side of the room.

Harry’s eyes flick to them, but only for a second since all three of them and staring over the room to where Louis is stood in the hallway, eyes very quickly filling with tears as he looks back at Harry, still holding this woman. 

When their eyes meet, Harry near drops the blonde in his arms straight on her arse. Louis tries to step back before Harry fully sees him, before all these other strangers see him crying, but he knows its too late. Everyone quiet now, looking between him and Harry. God, Louis wishes he’d never come. 

“Louis” Harry says, nothing else coming from his lips, and he shakes his head quickly, trying to silently tell Harry to just not. Just don’t. 

He hears the murmurs in the crowds of ‘shit, that’s Louis?’ ‘what a fuck up’ ‘you didn’t think to ask him his name’ and lots of ‘oh shits’ so clearly at least some of the people here know who he is. He can’t help but think they wouldn’t have let him in if they knew he was Harry’s Louis. 

Louis is back in the bedroom before he can even register whats going on. Harry’s got a girlfriend. That must be his girlfriend, people don’t do things like that to people that aren’t their girlfriends. The panic Louis had before has increased by a million now, and he’s definitely having a panic attack.   
“Lou?” he hears from outside the door. 

“Go away” He replies to Harry, a gasp between each word as he tries to breathe.   
“Baby are you…”

“Don’t call me that!” Louis yells, starting to pace around the room now and doing his best to get his lungs to do something. 

“Okay. Okay, Louis. Listen, I understand you’re upset with me. I’m going to get Gem to come in, okay? You’re having a panic attack, ba, Lou. Just Gem, promise I’m not coming in” He says, his voice soft but Louis can hear the panic in it too. He knows Harry knows hes in trouble here. 

Sure enough, the door opens and Gem comes in. Louis goes into auto-pilot, letting her sit him down and drink some water and just sit there and let her rub his back.   
“He’s never lied to me before Gem” Louis whispers eventually. 

“Its on our…” He starts to say before another sob runs through him. “Its on our list” He sobs, letting Gemma hold him in her chest as he cries. He hears a little thud against the door and he’s sure that mean Harry is outside still. Louis thinks that’s what hurts the most. Him and Harry had made a list and agreed on the things they had to do in order for them to get to where they wanted to be. More so than telling each other if they were seeing someone, they weren’t meant to lie to each other. And Louis never ever though he would have to worry about that with Harry. 

But Harry had broken their agreement. Their promise of how they were going to get to their happily every after. Harry always said, you don’t risk end game, and he had done exactly that.


	6. Six

Its nearly a half hour until Louis feel like he’s reached some kind of stable again. Like he can breathe without fear of passing out or hyperventilating. Louis can hear outside that the party is in full rage. He can barely think over the volume of the music. He can hear cheering and bottles clinking and people in the pool. Harry’s probably out there with his new girl, not a care about Louis. Its Louis’ absolute worse nightmare come true.   
When she’s happy Louis’ isn’t going to pass out when she leaves, Gemma steps outside for a moment to go an get Louis another glass of water. As she does, over the loud music, Louis can hear her having a faint conversation with someone outside the door. A moment later, the door swings open just a tiny bit. Not the whole way, but enough for someone to speak through

“Lou?” He hears Harry voice, making him squeeze his eyes closed. He’s obviously been crying too. He can tell because it’s a little raspy and cracks just a little when he speak. Harry always tries to stay strong for Louis though and not make him any more upset in times like these, so Louis also hears him quickly clearing his throat. 

“She’s not… I know it sounds really unbelievable, but I’m not dating her or anything” He says when he gets no reply. I hears a little thud noise like Harry is leaning his head on the door.

“I don’t care Harry” He whispers, staring at the wall. He feels numb.

“If you don’t want to stay here, you can stay in my room…” He says after a few more moments of silence, making Louis scoff. 

“I’m not gong to be staying in your room” He snaps back before Harry can finish, the eye roll clear in his voice.

“I’m not trying anything on Lou, I just meant it’s a bit bigger and its sound proof. Its loud in here and I know that… I know that overwhelms you a bit sometimes. I’ll sleep in here and won’t go in at all. Or I can book you a room at a hotel in town if you want. Whatever you prefer” He says quietly. 

“I don’t know what I want” he says quietly after a while in a whisper, wiping away his tears silently. He wants for none of this to have happened, that’s what he wants. This truly is the worst thing that could have happened coming here. In all his anxiousness, he hadn’t even anticipated this happening, because he would never fathom Harry lying to him. 

“Can I come in Lou?” He tries again, still just speaking to him through the gap in the door. Louis is grateful that Harry is so respectful now, even with everything going on. Even though he could easily push the door open, he won’t until Louis tells him he can. Louis know that. Or at least he knows that of his Harry. He feels like this LA Harry who lives in a fancy house with these pretentious friends are kisses other girls is a completely different person. 

Louis is torn. He wants to let Harry in and at least say hello but he doesn’t know if he can. 

“I-I don’t think so” He mumbles, looking at his fingers, picking at his nails. 

“I don’t get why you wouldn’t just tell me, Harry” He says, his voice cracking again as he lets his body fall back on the bed. 

“There not really anything to tell, Lou. Otherwise I would have told you. I wasn’t trying to hide it from it, there’s honestly just not much to tell. We hook up sometimes when we drink.” Harry explains, and Louis can hear in his voice that he’s desperate for him to believe it. 

“That’s not what it looked like” He whimpers, wiping his eyes. 

“I… I don’t know what else to say, I can understand why you find that hard to believe though. That’s what it is. I heard you say it to Gemma before, I don’t lie to you. I never have, I’m not going to start now” He says quickly, sounding exactly how Louis feels. 

Louis can hear his been crying too. It hurts him to know Harry is crying and honestly, really deep down he believes him. Hes just overwhelmed and so exhausted emotionally and physically to deal with any of this. Too stubborn to admit to that right now. 

“I haven’t slept in like… since the day before we left London. I was so fucking nervous about seeing you and meeting all your friends, I couldn’t sleep the night before and then I couldn’t sleep on the plane, you know I’ve never been able to” Louis says through his tears, not even knowing why he’s telling Harry all this. He and Harry don’t fight often, but when they do, its always the worst because they’re mad at each other but also the ones each other need to help them work through their feelings. 

“Go sleep in my room, Lou, please. We can talk about it in the morning. You’re panicking and exhausted; we’re not going to get anywhere with this right now, yeah?”  
When Louis doesn’t reply he adds “I’m so sorry that you came all this way to see me and this happened but no matter the circumstance, I’m really happy to see you”. 

Louis can hear him holding his breath and he eventually, despite his better judgement or maybe because of it, he gives in, knowing Harry is probably right. He’s just exhausted and with any luck, this is a bad dream. 

After a moment of silence and thinking through it all, Louis realises Harry’s right; hes too tired to even think. He stands himself up on shaking leg and walks to the door, opening it up slightly more, just enough to see Harry. He hadn’t anticipated Harry being so close. He had been leaning on the door frame, talking to Louis and now they are all on 6 inches away from each others faces.

Louis’ eyes dart over Harry face, taking in the details he misses over video-chat. The lines by his eyes when he smiles that still stay there, ever so faintly, even when there no trace of a smile anywhere, like right now. The naturally pink shade of his lips that get even darker when he bites at the bottom one when he’s nervous, like right now. The way he always smells a bit like honey because he uses this body-wash from a little boutique they found in France years ago. 

Neither of them say a word, both just taking in the other person after so long. They had been much better at texting but it had still been 3 weeks or so since they had spoken on the phone. All the happiness Louis had seen on Harry’s face when his friends organised this surprise for him was gone, not a trace of it on his face anymore. Just puffy, red eyes and wet eye lashes.

“I’m sorry for ruining the party” He whispers, dropping his eyes from Harrys as he speaks. 

Harry scoffs, shaking his head a little bit. With his head done he can see the ways Harry’s hands instinctively move to touch him, but drop back down when Harry obviously thinks better of it. 

“These people don’t give a shit about me, Lou” he assures, shaking his head. Louis wonders for a second if the sadness in his voice is just from this situation or he’s sad in a more general way. “Theres pretty much just Luke, I don’t know if you met him, he’ll be the only one actually concerned. I can’t even remember the names of half the people here. They’re just here to use the house, don’t worry about the party” Harry assures, eyes boring into Louis’ like they always do. Hes always looking for little give-aways of what Louis’ thinking without him saying it, since he knows Louis’ isn’t always comfortable doing that. 

“Sorry” Louis mumbles with a little frown. He hates the idea of people using Harry and hates that Harry is letting them.   
Harry just shrugs. “It’s not really my biggest concern at the moment” he says honestly. 

Louis doesn’t know what to say. He’s watching the way Harrys hands keep moving to touch him but them stopping and moving back. Part of him wishes he would, but the other half wouldn’t be able to handle that right now. 

“Can I please stay in your room, its too loud in here” He asks eventually. Louis can feel the base from the music rattling in his chest, which isn’t helping when he already has a heart-ache. 

“Yeah, yeah, of course you can. C’mon” He says gently, stepping to the side so that Louis can get around him. 

Louis was definitely one to party, but what he saw when he reached the hallway was something else. Harry’s house looked like the inside of a crowded club. There were people everywhere, grinded and drinking and shirtless women and clearly someone had bought lights because strobes were lighting up the whole house, bouncing off the walls and immediately adding to Louis’ nauseousness. 

Like always, Harry immediately tunes on to how Louis is feeling. 

“Hold my hand” Harry says over the music, extending his hand out to Louis who takes it without question. Despite everything, Harry is still his ultimate source of comfort and who he needs in times like this. 

Harry leads Louis down the hall, through the people, ignoring everyone who tries to get his attention. When they get to his room, Harry takes a key from his pocket and unlocks the door before pulling Louis inside. 

“Okay?” He asks softly, locking the door behind him and turning his attention back to Louis again, who immediately drops his eyes to the floor with a little nod.   
Harry gives him a quick tour of the room. Theres a big walk in wardrobe, bigger than Louis’ bedroom at home, with all of Harry’s clothes hanging perfectly from the walls. Theres some awards in there too, but they’re all tucked away, behind some shoes or his hoodies so you can barely see them. Theres a full bathroom as well, and Harry quickly shows Louis how it works, because of course it is all fancy and doesn’t work like a normal shower. Once Harry asks for the millionth time that Louis is going to be okay, and apologizing again, and to just call him or Gemma if he needs anything, Harry leaves Louis alone in the room, saying he’s just going to find Gemma, Liam and Niall and find a private room somewhere to catch up. 

Once he’s alone, Louis does his best to stop crying as he takes a proper shower. He goes to Harry’s closet and finally finds just a normal shirt, pulling it on to sleep in, and crawling into the massive bed that smells like Harry and finally, crying himself to sleep. 

-

The banging on the door that wakes Louis up comes at 2 am. He knows because Harry has a clock right next to his bed, something he used to tell Louis off for doing.   
Taking the throw from the end of Harry’s bed, he wraps it tightly around himself as he walks to the bedroom door, prepared to tell whoever it was to fuck off.   
When he opens the door, his breath catching when its Harry. 

The boy has very clearly been drinking. Hes swaying a little just standing there, and blinking in a way that Louis is sure means he’s seeing double, at least. 

“Louis, baby… sorry I’m not allowed to call you that. Louis, can I stay in here with you please?” He asks, biting his lip and playing with his hands like a naughty little child. His eyes are red and his skin a bit blotchy, showing he had been crying, a lot. Louis didn’t know how he could possibly say no to that. 

He doesn’t say anything, just steps to the side and lets Harry come stumbling in. 

The boy walks into the room, one hand running along the wall trying to balance himself before he eventually get down and starts to crawl, eventually just ending up in a ball on the floor at the end of the bed. 

“I’ll just sleep down here, is that okay?” he asked, rolling his head to look up at Louis only getting a sigh in return. Before Louis can even reply, Harry sits up, announcing hes going to be sick before quickly going to the bathroom. 

Great. 

Louis follows behind the man, watching as he begins to throw up into the toilet. Sighing softly, Louis walks over to crouch down next to him, carefully brushing back Harry’s hair so it doesn’t get in the way. 

“Don’t do that, I don’t deserve it” Harry mumbles, which is when Louis realises hes crying, as he swats away Louis’ hands. 

“Don’t” is all Louis replies, searching the drawers until he finds a clip to keep Harry’s hair pulled back. 

It breaks Louis a little to see Harry like this. In fact, he’s never really seen Harry like this. Sure, hes seen him upset, but hes never seen him as distraught as this. 

Once hes finished throwing up, Harry lets his body fall to the side, landing in Louis’ lap and pulling himself more into a ball as he cries, covering his own face.   
Louis wraps on arm around the boy, reaching for a face cloth to wipe around his mouth, carefully pushing away Harry’s hands trying to stop him as he mumbles about not deserving any help from Louis. 

That break Louis’ heart. It hurts that Harry thinks so lowly of himself, even if its just in this drunk state, and it hurts to see how upset he is over everything that happened. Harry never let himself get this upset, especially in front of Louis. He’s always too concerned about Louis’ feelings and making sure Louis is okay. 

Once Harry no longer feels sick, Louis helps the man back up, helps him out of his clothes and eventually gets him into bed. The bed is big enough that they can both fit in with still a bit gap between them, so once Harry is tucked in with a bucket next to him for if he starts to feel sick, Louis gets into the other side and turns off the lights. 

In the dark he hears a little “I love you more than anything” before Harry falls asleep, drunken snores filling the room as Louis stays awake, staring at the ceiling. 

-

Eventually, Louis must fall asleep because he wakes the next morning to the bed empty and the sound of the shower running. Thinking through his options, Louis quickly makes his way back to his own bedroom and gets dressed before making his way out.

Louis was disgusted by the state of Harrys house, and knew Harry had been right about one thing; his ‘friends’ clearly didn’t care all that much about him. There was rubbish, everywhere. Broken bottles of the floor, some of Harrys art on the wall had been broken, and no one in sight to help clean up the mess. As Louis makes his way further into the living room, he sees one person asleep on the sofa. Louis recognises him straight away from Harry’s pictures as Luke. Sure enough, although passed out on the sofa at the moment, the man had a full rubbish bag next to him of where he had clearly started to clean up. Louis smiles a little at the fact Harry has at least one good friend. 

Louis knew from pictures and conversations with Harry, there was a track from his yard that led down to the beach. It only take him a few minutes to find it and soon, is in the peace and quiet of a beautiful white sand beach, all to himself. 

Louis had imagined this was what his time in LA would be like. They would have an amazing time at the party, they would all come down to this beach he had received hundreds of snapchat pictures from and sleep of their hang overs the next day, having a good time, just like they used to. It couldn’t have gone more differently. 

The time Louis arrives back at the house after contemplating and sunbathing and swimming a bit, he has a slightly clearer mind. Its almost 1 the time he walks back into the living room, seeing familiar faces all making a clean up effort, which thankfully was only just beginning. 

“Look who decided to show up, bloody slacker” Niall calls, the first to see Louis through the window. Louis was always thankful for Niall. He always had his sense of humour and always made Louis feel a million times better about anything. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry” He laughs softly, not missing the underlying sadness in his own voice he was doing his best to hide. He’s all too aware of the eyes on him, particularly Harry’s which he’s sure he can feel leaving burns on his skin.

“Lucky for you, we’ve saved you some” Niall says, coming down to hand Louis a rubbish bag and pointing to an area of the room no one has gotten to yet.   
“You alright, mate?” He asks quietly once hes closer, giving Louis a little smile and a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“If it makes you feel any better, he’s been a mess all morning.” He adds quietly, nodding in Harry’s general direction. 

“I hear he drunk so much he actually shit the bed” Niall says louder so Harry could hear now, earning him an “oh, fuck off” called from the kitchen where Harry was pretending to clean but really just staring straight at Louis. 

Louis eyes flick up to meet Harry’s but only for a second before walking over to an untouched spot and starting to clean. 

The six of them, Gemma, Liam, Niall, Harry, Louis and Luke spend the next four hours cleaning. The more Louis gets to know Luke mostly through the banter coming from the other 4 while Louis and Harry just worked silently, the more he liked him. It made him feel an enormous amount of relief that even if it was just one person, Harry had someone here in LA for him. 

It took 4 hours for them to get the house and the yard looking somewhere near normal again. Louis had offered to make them all dinner, so was busying himself in the kitchen as a other had a swim in the pool, after they had finally finished cleaning it. 

Louis had his head buried in the fridge, figuring out what he could make when he becomes aware that Harry has come into the room. After knowing someone for so long, you recognise the sound of their steps. Taking a deep breath to muster up any courage he has, Louis grabs some chicken from the fridge before turning to face him. 

Giving only a quick tight-lipped smile to Harry, Louis busies himself cutting everything up, waiting for Harry to finally say something. It takes a minute or two before he does. 

“I’m sorry I came into the room last night. That wasn’t fair of me to do to you, it was a shitty position to put you in” He says quietly, eyes running over the side of Louis’ face, trying to pick up on anything, the way he always does. 

Louis has to blink quickly a few times because his stupid eyes are already filling with tears. Hes surprised he even has any left.   
“Its okay” is all he says. 

“Not really Lou, nothing that happened last night was okay. I… I would really, really love to talk to you about it all. When you’re ready that is” He says softly. 

“Stop biting your lip, you’re going to make it bleed” Louis snaps without even looking at Harry. He didn’t mean to snap at him about such little things. It just annoyed him that even in times like this, Harry was the kindest person he had ever met, and he needed to find something to be upset about.

“Sorry” Harry replies instantly, making Louis sigh. He’s damn perfect and it’s infuriating. 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Harry” Louis whispers, keeping his full attention on the carrot that he’s cutting, bringing his sleeve up to quickly wipe away a tear, hoping to get it before Harry notices. Fat chance, Harry notices everything about Louis. 

“Okay. That’s okay Lou. But when you do, can you please let me know?” He asks softly, sure enough holding a tissue out to Louis. When he takes it, their fingers brush and Louis wishes he wasn’t so stubborn to pull away so quickly. 

He only replies with a little nod. 

-

After dinner, all of them stay up, watching a movie and making plans for the next day of going to the beach, and Harry promises he will try to teach them all how to surf. Louis feel really awful because he feels like he’s ruining their holiday. 

Once they all head to bed, he lays awake again, thinking. Running through all the possibilities in his mind of what happened. What if Harry is lying to him about this girl? What if Harry doesn’t want him here? What if Harry loves here? 

Louis knows if he stays here in bed, he’s only going to end up having another panic attack. Pulling on a hoodie, Louis gets out of bed and quietly heads to the kitchen to make a tea. On the way past, he notices Harry’s bedroom door is open a bit. He can’t help but think it’s a very cautious little invitation to him. This is something Harry has always done. One of his ‘I’ve always got time for you’ policies where if he’s busy doing something while Louis is around, he’ll leave the door open, just a little and tell Louis to come in if he needs anything. 

On the way back through, he take a deep breath and tries not to think about it too much as he quietly pushes open Harry’s door and walks quietly into the room.   
He’s expecting Harry to be fast asleep, little snores falling from his lips, that he always denies the next morning. 

“You okay, Love?” He hears instead, making out Harry, leaning up on his elbows in bed in the dark room. 

“I um… I was just making a tea” he says lamely, not even sure why he came in here. He should have just gone back to bed. Harry knows that making a tea at this time is code for ‘I can’t sleep’ and hums softly in reply. He understands, having been laying awake himself.

“Do you want to… do you want to talk for a bit? While you drink your tea?” He asks cautiously, obviously not wanting to push Louis into something and make it uncomfortable. 

Instead of replying, Louis crawls onto the end of the bed, crossing his legs as Harry reaches to turn on the lamp. He hadn’t mean to sit so close, until he feels his leg leaning on Harry’s under the covers. He doesn’t move though. Its nice to feel close to him. They’re barely touched since he’s arrived. 

“Do you…” Harry starts, but Louis cuts him off before he can finish his though. 

“Who is she?” He asks, looking into his tea cup and not at Harry. He doesn’t think he can look at Harry as he says this, all the worse case scenarios running through his head. 

“Her names Laura” Harry says after only a moment. “She a singer, just trying to make it. She records at the studio I record at and we met maybe, 2 months ago at a studio party.” Harry explains, giving Louis all the information he can. He wants to prove to Louis he wasn’t lying or trying to hurt him. 

“How often do you guys… um” 

“Maybe three times now” Harry says, knowing Louis doesn’t want to finish his questions. “I’ve never… We’ve never had sex. We’ve made out about 3 times I think, but only ever at parties when we’ve both been drinking. We don’t even talk between times.” 

Louis nods a little bit, taking in all the information. He doesn’t like it but he can understand. 

“Do you… Do you love her?” Louis asks, his voice cracking as he does. That’s his biggest fear. That’s the thing that keeps echoing in his head and keeping him awake.

“What? No, god no Louis. I don’t even have her number or anything. I seriously don’t talk to her other than at parties. I guess she was just excited about having a party and she’d taken some mushrooms or something. I can hardly just drop her on the floor she jumps at me. And like… I know I kissed her but its really… it doesn’t mean shit to me Lou, it honestly doesn’t. I should have told you but we haven’t even really had a chance to speak since it started and theres really not a lot to tell” Harry explains. Louis can hear how desperate he is for him to believe him. 

“I just… I’m so sorry Lou. I feel like shit and I’m… I’m terrified, fucking terrified that I’ve messed us up because I heard you say to Gem about it being on our list and I wasn’t trying to sneak around or anything, I just wasn’t thinking” he explains, reaching out and taking Louis’ hands before dropping them and pulling back. 

“No” Louis mumbles quietly, reaching back to take Harry’s hands again. 

“Do you still want us to work? Like… do you still want to be with me?” He asks in a whisper, his voice breaking as he squeezes Louis’ hands softly. 

Louis’ nodding before he can even think. 

“Okay. Okay, thank you. That’s all I need to know, yeah? We can work with that. We can make this work, baby.” Harry assures, cautiously wrapping his arms around the boy as he crawls into his lap. 

“I love you. We’re okay, love. We’re okay” he whispers, kissing the top of Louis’ head, holding him close.


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I might do a bit of a series off this, maybe a few one offs of them in the future if people might be interested? Let me know!

To say things instantly got better after that would be wrong. After more promises and apologises whispered between the two of them, Louis had gone back to his own room to sleep the night. He wished he didn’t but part of him still felt off with Harry touching him, and he still hadn’t let him kiss him, not that Harry would pressure him either way. 

The next morning, Louis wakes up early, walking out to the living room to make a coffee for himself. He smiles softly to himself when he sees Harry out on the front deck doing yoga, making him a coffee too before setting himself up on the sofa to watch. He makes him happy to just see Harry doing Harry things. 

Louis was starting to realise that maybe Harry’s ideal LA life really wasn’t all that great after all. He didn’t seem as happy here as he did at home and Louis can’t help but feel a little bit guilty about that. 

The time Harry is finished his yoga, a few others are already awake, lounging around in the living room. The coffee Louis had made is definitely going cold now. He doesn’t say a word though, just thanking Louis for it before going to have a shower, getting a few little hopeful looks between everyone else that maybe everything had been figured out. 

Once everyone has had breakfast, true to their plans yesterday, they carry two surfboards for them to share down to the beach, with the intention of Harry teaching each of them to surf. 

“I’m determined to have everyone stand up, we’re not going home until we do” Harry announced as he drops the boards down, starting to point at the water and explain the currents and waves to them. It means nothing to Louis and honestly he’s not really listening. Hes still deeper in his thoughts that usual, his insecurities still playing on every inch of his mind. He likes that this is making Harry happy though. 

Louis was quite happy to just lay on the beach and sunbathe, not really fussed on learning to surf. He loves watching his friends though. He loves how Gemma cheers carelessly when she rides a wave the whole way in, how Liam laughs like a lunatic every time he falls off and how Niall nearly tackles Harry in excitement when he finally stands up. 

“Your turn” Harry says, suddenly appearing on the towel next to Louis. They hadn’t really spoken since last night other than polite little good morning and small talk. Louis lowers his sunglasses a little to look up at Harry. He wants to say no thank you, say hes just happy laying on the sand here. Louis glances to where Luke is standing with Niall, watching the interaction and back to Harry’s nervous expression and he knows what would have happened.

Harry would have been all nervous, scared Louis would reject him and say he didn’t want to be with him at the moment. They both know they’re still on thin ice. Luke and Niall would have been hyping him up, telling him to come and ask, which is why Harry has a nervous yet hopeful look on his face that getting more and more nervous the longer Louis takes to reply. 

“Actually, you look really comfy here, don’t worry” Harry says, his face quickly going to a fake smile like he doesn’t care. Like he doesn’t need a lot of reassurance from Louis right now that he hasn’t made a terminal mistake. 

“No, no, I want to have a go” Louis says, quickly reaching for Harry’s hand as he stands up to leave. 

“Sorry I was just… sorry. Yeah, I want to have a go” Louis assures him softly, shaking his head as Harry tells him he doesn’t have to. 

-

Louis screws his nose up as the ocean water laps over his hip, never having been a fan of the cold. 

“It’s cold” he whines, a little pout on his lips that makes Harry smile. 

“You’ve said that” Harry says with a smile. 

Louis knows he was being very slow walking out deep enough to get to the waves at the right stage. Harry’s not complaining at all, staying next to Louis, guiding the board out next to him. Every time a big wave crashes into them, Harry instantly reaches out for Louis, helping him stabilise himself wordlessly before dropping his hand again. 

When they finally get out to where Harry says is deep enough, Louis’ teeth are chattering a little bit but he’s doing his best to hide it. 

“We can come back another day if you’re too cold” Harry says softly, watching Louis who of course shakes his head quickly. Harry knew that would be the answer; hes too stubborn. 

“Alright, remember what we talked about on the beach?” Harry checks, looking over his shoulder to the waves as he holds the board steady which Louis was lying on. Louis nods, quickly going over the pointers Harry had given him. 

The first 3 waves, Louis falls off. He was cold as hell now, but determined to get it right. If nothing else, because he knew how proud Harry would be. 

As he walks back out for the fourth time, Harry chuckles softly as Louis gets close enough to see his pout. 

Louis is getting too cold to really care, and he knows its surprises Harry but he doesn’t hesitate as Louis walks right into his arms for a hug. 

“You almost had it that time” Harry assures him quietly, rubbing Louis back softly as he smirks at the boys on the beach pumping their fists in the air at their little cuddle. Louis wonders how Harry is still so warm. Harry’s always so warm.

“I’m going to get it” Louis says, pulling away and jumping back on the board again. 

“I know you are” Harry says, resting his hand on the small of Louis’ back as he turns to wait for the next wave.

Sure enough, as Louis rides the wave in, wobbly and slowly, he stands up and unlike the other times, stays up. He gets so excited he does a little wiggle and falls off again, but it doesn’t even matter, hes just so happy he did it. 

To make it even better, Harry comes bounding up behind him, cheering and yelling giving him a big hug, all excited and actually propely happy for the first time since they arrived. And its worth it. 

-

They had booked their time in LA to last a week, and over the next few days, slowly Louis and Harry get more back to normal. Or, their weird state of normal anyway. They sleep together in Harry’s bed every night, cuddled up and just talking, catching up on everything.

It was on the second to last night there, in the quiet of the night and cover of the dark that Harry asks Louis to stay. That sets off the same conversation that happens every time they talk about anything like this. Louis has a life at home, he’s got a job he can’t just walk out on and Harry is so busy here with such a different life. 

Leaving was hard. Louis is normally the one who stays while Harry leaves, but its nearly impossible to make his feet keep moving in the opposite direction. He hates leaving Harry, and all he thinks about the whole plane ride home is how he should have stayed. 

_____

When Louis gets back home, he feels the same as he does every time him and Harry are apart again. He can’t stop thinking about the man. Only, while normally it fades after a few weeks, this time it doesn’t. If anything, it gets stronger. He can’t stop thinking about Harry asking, no, begging him to stay, promising everything would work out. Couldn’t stop thinking about the shit people Harry called friends over in LA. Couldn’t stop thinking that his boy just seemed sad. He couldn’t stop thinking that Harry needed him.

Although it had been four months since their last visit, things had been different this time, they could both feel it. They made time to call at least once a week, often even more, constantly texted, sent each other hand written notes back and forth. When Louis had asked if he could come and visit, Harry could not have said yes quick enough. 

The next time that Louis flies out to see Harry, it’s just him and they make sure it’s not a surprise. Despite Louis’ insistence he could pay for it himself, Harry had booked the ticket for the last day of the school term and paid for it before Louis had a chance to say otherwise. 

\---

At the airport, Louis was tired the way he always was. Just like last time, he was nervous to see Harry and hadn’t slept. He wasn’t as anxious as last time anymore. He knew Harry loved him. He knew Harry didn’t get annoyed by him. He was just nervous with anticipation of seeing his love again. 

Harry couldn’t come into the airport, it would make too much of a scene but he was waiting right outside. The moment he walks out the door, a man in sunglasses and a hoodie is running over to him, enveloping him in a massive hug. 

“Hi” he mumbles into Harry’s chest, getting just a chuckled response, and a little ‘hi’ back. It felt like home. Harry takes Louis’ bags in one hand and his hand in the other, and leads him back to the car. 

The whole trip back to Harry’s house, the two talk about everything while Louis holds Harry’s big hand between two of his. Speaking to Harry more these days made it easier for him to relax around him. He realised the thrived under Harry’s reassurance and attention and got lost without it. Talking to Harry so often now, he didn’t doubt himself reaching for Harry’s hand. He knew Harry wanted that too. 

When the pull up in Harry’s drive, Louis only hesitates for a second or two before walking to Harry, cupping his face between both of his hands and kissing him. Harry didn’t hesitate at all. 

When they eventually pull away, a bit breathless, Harry can’t help the massive smile that spreads across his face. 

“I’m so happy to have you back” He whispers, and Louis knows he means that on a much deeper level than just in LA. 

-

As they walk inside, Harry carries Louis’ suitcase into his bedroom. He looks back at Louis and bites his lip, nervous for a second before talking. 

“I um… I made some room in the closet for you to hang your stuff up. I just thought because you are going to be here for a few weeks it might be nice if we can   
unpack your stuff properly” Harry says slowly, clearly a bit nervous about Louis response. 

“That sounds really nice” He assured Harry softly, running a gentle hand down his arm. 

They had agreed on a longer stay this time. It was the longest the two would have been together since their relationship ended, years ago. Louis was had been a little apprehensive because although he knew their time together would be amazing, leaving would be nearly impossible and would hurt like crazy after 3 weeks, just them, together. 

Despite Louis’ offers to help, Harry insists, so Louis sits on the floor, watching Harry unpack his clothes into his closet. Louis can’t help but smile at how Harry carefully puts things on hangers, occasionally complementing something. He puts Louis’ shoe away next to his, where hes made space and Louis can’t help feel like this all looks dangerously domestic. 

When Harry turns around and sees Louis sitting on the floor, smiling at his shoes, his can’t help but laugh a little bit, leaning on the door frame as he looks down at him. 

“What?” He asks, nudging Louis’ foot with his gently. 

“My stuff looks pretty good in there” He says says, looking up at Harry. 

Harry smiles wider at that, looking over his shoulder at his shirts all carefully hung up. 

“It does” he agrees with a smile. 

-

Harry is aware that Louis is exhausted after his flight, but he’s also aware that Louis is too stubborn to go and take a nap. He suggests it several times, but the boy always assures him he will be fine. 

Later that night, as they lay on sofa, Harry was holding Louis close to his chest as they watched some movie. Louis wasn’t really paying attention though, too busy thinking. 

“What are you thinking about? Or have you finally fallen asleep?” Harry asks eventually, clearly able to feel how Louis had gotten a bit tense and had stopped his occasional little chuckles at the movie, placing a gentle little kiss to his shoulder. 

Louis stays quiet for a few seconds, playing with the rings on Harry’s fingers to distract himself, a blush already creeping up his cheeks. 

“I was thinking that I want you” He mumbles so quietly Harry would have missed it if he wasn’t paying such close attention. 

Louis feels Harry maybe stop breathing for a second before he mumbles a little ‘roll over for me?’ into Louis’ ear, pressing another kiss just behind it as he does.   
Harry coos softly as Louis’ rolls over when he sees the blush on his cheeks, holding the boy close into his body, kissing the top of his head. 

“You mean like sex, baby?” He asks softly, always wanting to be sure with Louis as he rubs his back slowly, smiling to himself as he feels Louis nod in his chest.   
“Lou, darling, listen” He whispers, pulling ever so slightly on Louis’ hair to get his head to tilt back a little. Harry doesn’t miss the way it makes Louis’ breath catch a little bit. 

“Even though you won’t admit it, I know that you’re exhausted. I think we might be better to wait until tomorrow when you’re not basically falling asleep on me” Harry chuckles softly, biting his lip. 

“This isn’t no, yeah? I love the idea of that. Love it. But, its been a long time for us and I don’t want you to make a decision you might regret when you’re not so tired” He says quietly. “And I want to make it amazing for you. Make it worth the wait. Can’t do that when you’re so sleepy” Harry whispers softly, peppering kisses over Louis’ blushing cheeks and anywhere he can get his lips to. 

Louis doesn’t reply, not able to help feeling a little bit rejected that Harry had said no. He doesn’t often ask for things like this, actually never does, so the fact he had and Harry said no hurt. 

“Lets go to bed, yeah? I’ll give you everything you want in the morning. I just… I care about you too much to let you make a choice you might regret, yeah?” Harry whispers. 

He can tell Louis is a bit upset, but considers it forgotten when the boy falls asleep in his arms as he carries him to bed. 

-

When Louis wakes up the next morning, he’s cuddled up on Harry’s chest, Harry hand moving up and down gently on his back. Harry is already awake, scrolling through his phone but puts it down as soon as he realises that Louis is awake. 

“Morning baby” He says softly, giving Louis a little dimply smile as he looks up with sleepy eyes. 

“I would ask if you slept okay, but you were snoring like a freight train all night long” Harry teases, smiling wider as Louis rolls his eyes, making the crinkles around his eyes pop. 

“I think you must have been hearing yourself” Louis replies, sitting up and stretching out a bit, before letting Harry pull him back down for a good morning kiss.   
Louis can’t help but think everything is different now. They’ve not been so openly affectionate towards each other in years. When they’ve kissed in the past, it always felt like they were doing something wrong. Now, they’ve been stealing kisses whenever they want. Cuddled in Harry’s bed, in his house, it feels right. It feels like it just might be okay to be them again. 

“What are our plans for today then?” Harry asks when they eventually pull away from the lazy kiss, stroking back Louis hair that is all over the place. Harry always used to tease him about looking like a scarecrow when he woke up. He would always toss and turn in his sleep unless he was being held, and the messy hair was always a consequence. 

Louis shrugs, leaning his chin on Harry chest, looking up at him. 

“We could stay in bed all day and watch movies?” Harry suggests, looking down at Louis. From that angle, Harry had two chins and he could see right up the boys nose, but Louis thought he still looked beautiful. 

“I like that idea” Louis says with a hum, a smile spreading over his lips. 

-

When the credits of Love Actually start scrolling over the screen, Harry says hes going to go have a shower. He stands up, and grabs a towel before pausing for a moment and turning back to Louis. 

“Do you want to join?” He asks, holding a towel to his chest and raising an eyebrow at Louis. 

When Louis gives a little nod, he can’t help but smile to himself as he grabs another towel from the closet. 

-

As Louis’ undresses, Harry does his best not to stare, not wanting to make the man uncomfortable, but that proves almost impossible. He doesn’t think he will ever tire of seeing Louis undress.

“What?” Louis mumbles, covering his little belly with his arms as he covers himself subconsciously under Harry’s gaze.

“No. No, no, no, don’t do that” Harrys whines, quickly closing the gap between the two of them. 

“You’re gorgeous, don’t cover up. Not with me” He says quietly, taking hold of Louis hands and guiding them up so he can place kisses over each of his fingers making Louis smile a little bit. 

“I’m fucking obsessed with your body, Louis” Harry says, looking into Louis eyes, smiling at the blush creeping up his cheeks. Harry could go on forever, he really could. Could list all the things he loves about Louis’ body and how its changed so much over the years but only ever got more stunning, but he doesn’t want to make Louis uncomfortable, so instead just leads him into the shower. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little unnecessary to have such a fancy shower” Louis says to change the subject, following Harry into the excessively large shower. 

“I knew you were going to say that” He laughs, shaking his head as they step into the warm water. 

“Well it is, its excessive” Louis says with a smile, looking up at Harry. 

“A big boy shower to go with your big boy ego, hey Mr. Rockstar” Louis tease with a cheeky smile. 

Harry only chuckles in response, otherwise ignoring Louis as he turns the boy around by his shoulders and starts to massage shampoo into his hair.

“Glad I got you in the shower. I didn’t want to say anything, but you were pretty smelly” Harry says with a chuckle making Louis laugh and rolls his eyes as he turns back to face Harry again. 

“I’m sure thats the only reason you wanted me in here” Louis says raising an eyebrow with a smile. 

“Well that and water conservation of course” Harry says, keeping his face as straight as he can, even though the edges do pick up slightly.   
“Turn around before you get this all in your eyes, you’re like a little bobble-head” He says, waiting for Louis to turn back around before taking the shower head and carefully rinsing out Louis hair. 

Just as Louis was going to turn back to face Harry, he feels Harrys arms slowly wrap around his waist, a hint of hesitancy in his movements. Louis tries to ignore the way his breath catches and they way his heart starts to race just at the feeling of Harry’s hands on his hips. They travel further around, overlapping on Louis’ belly, drawing him closer until Louis final leans back into Harry’s chest. 

“Okay?” He hears Harry mumble, trying not think too much about how Harry’s lips are so close that he can feel his breath against his ear.   
All Louis can manage is a little nod in return. 

He feels Harrys lips move, just below his ear and placing a slow, open mouthed kiss to his wet skin. 

“Okay?” He asks again, only continuing when he gets another nod from Louis.

Harry’s lips trailed down Louis’ neck, leaving innocent enough kisses to start with until he starts sucking, making a whimper fall from Louis’ lips despite himself.   
That only encourages Harry more, sucking more spots on Louis’ neck as the boys head falls back. 

“Harry” Louis whispers in a gasp. He doesn’t even know what he’s asking for, but Harry does. Harry always does. 

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you love” He whispers, pulling the boy closer still. 

“You’ll tell me if its too much?” He asks, although its more of an instruction waiting for confirmation before slowly grinding himself into Louis. 

Louis thinks he could cry at the feel of Harry’s cock rubbing over his back, and cannot help the whimper that falls from his lips as it eventually slides between his cheeks. 

“I-I need…” Louis starts, not even knowing what he needs. 

“Take what you need, darling” He assures softly, slowing for a moment to give Louis a chance to think. 

Louis brain is on auto-pilot and he’s sinking down to his knees before he can even really process it, taking the base of Harry’s cock in his hand, revelling in the size of Harry next to his hands. 

“Fuck, Lou” Harry whispers, brushing his hand back through Louis’ hair as he watches the boy go down on him like hes desperate for it. Its like a vision and Harry doesn’t know how he got so lucky, even after everything to still have this man want him like this.

“Fuck, hold on, you’re going to drown yourself” He mumbles hurriedly, turning the sower off as quick as he could and now regretting all the decision hes ever made that led him to getting such a complicated shower. 

Louis doesn’t mind. Even with the water dripping over his head and getting in his nose, none of it even matters because Harry is clearly enjoying it and if he drowns a little, Louis might be okay with that. 

He aware of Harry’s mutterings above him, the occasional curse word but more than anything he’s hyperaware of the way Harry’s hand has slowly turned to a fist in his hair, pulling just the way to Louis loves. Harry thinks he must be tripping on something or possibly be in heaven when Louis pulls back just long enough to look up at him, and mutter the sinful words “use me” in a plead before immediately going back to his work.   
Harry has never been one to be asked twice, sinking his hands into Louis’ hair. He experimentally pushes in, and has to pull out straight away to stop himself coming on the spot. 

“Hold on, hold on darling” He assures Louis quickly when hes met with desperate whine as Louis leans forward, wanting more. Wanting to be used. 

He feeds himself back in slowly, mouth falling open as he takes it all in. The way Louis eyes squeeze tight once he’s fully in, and relax as the thusts out. The way the water at the edges of Louis’ eyes might be water from the shower that has been long forgotten now or tears from Louis trying so hard for him. The ways Harrys hands are resting on the back of his thighs, greedily pulling him closer still. The way he can see himself moving down Louis’ throat column, giving the boy what he wants. 

“Good boy. Fuck, look at this Lou” Harry grunts, his voice full of pure fondness. “Give me your hand” he asks, taking the hand Louis gives him and laying it on his own throat, letting Louis feel the pressure of his cock in the back of his mouth. He knows Louis used to love stuff like that, and sure enough, the mans eyes snap open when he feels it. 

“You feel it baby? Taking me so well. Letting me fuck your mouth. Letting me use you. Such a good boy” Harry grunts, watching Louis’ hand pressing down on his bulge as it moves in and out. He watches as Louis’ eyes roll back in pleasure and he truly does love this man and how desperate he is to please. 

“Baby… baby?” Harry repeats softly, slowing down and waiting for Louis eyes to focus back on him. 

“I’m going to stop, don’t get upset. Just wanna take you back to bed and fuck you, okay? Don’t get upset, I’ll be right back in you in a second, I promise” Harry whispers softly, knowing just how desperate Louis got when he had that look on his face. Sure enough, as Harry takes a step back, a little whimper leaves Louis lips as he blinks rapidly a few times. 

“Shh, you’re alright” Harrys whispers, helping Louis up from his arm pits before lifting the boy, letting him wrap his legs around his waist. 

-

“Don’t need any” Louis begs as Harry drips lube over his fingers, looking down at the wet boy laying on his bed. 

“Just two, sweetheart. Need to stretch you open a little before I can get in. Don’t want to hurt you” He whispers, slowly circling Louis rim before pushing one finger in.   
“Don’t need it” Louis whines again. 

“Don’t argue” Harry says softly, giving Louis a look when he opens his mouth again that makes him shut it immediately. 

It wasn’t long until Harry has Louis squirming in two fingers, little whines falling from his lips as Harry hits his prostrate with his long fingers. It had only taken him a few moments to find it, having never forgotten Louis’ body that he used to know better than his own. Harry wants more than anything to lay Louis down and eat him out for hours, but he knows that can wait. Hes got 3 weeks with his love. 

Despite Louis’ insistence that he didn’t need opening up, he stills whines when Harry pulls his finger outs, shushing the boy quietly, and telling him to be patient. Harry knows hes not going to last long at this point, having Louis like this, but needs to be back in him just as bad as Louis needs him. 

As Harry presses in, Louis is tight like a vice and he thinks for a moment he should have been patient and done a third finger with Louis. The boys moans loudly at the stretch though, making Harry raise an eyebrow. That was definitely new. He makes a mental note to ask about it later. 

Now, hes focussed on fucking Louis they way Louis needs him. He knows his boy sometimes likes it slow and for it to be love making, and sometimes likes to be fucked. Harry knows that right now is the latter. 

So he brings Louis’s knees up over his shoulders and fucks the man with all that he can, memorising every bit of his reactions just in case this is a dream and Harry wakes up alone, again. He takes in the way Louis whines, his chin tilted back. He hopes that Louis’ nails digging into his back leave scratches which with any luck will scar so he will always have a reminder of the man in front of him. With every thrust he tells Louis how he loves him, until its intertwined with his breath and flows through his blood like oxygen. 

“I’m going to come Harry” Louis whimpers, opening his eyes to look up at Harry through blurry eyes filling with tears. Hes overwhelmed with love for Harry and the love Harry has for him. He knows nothing else will ever feel right. 

“Please” Harry moans, sweat dripping of the tip of his nose onto Louis’ chest. “Please, come for me Louis. Just for me” Harry grunts, dropping down to his elbows and burying his head in Louis’ neck, his hot breath finding it way right into Louis’ ear. 

“Come for me” He whisper with a heaving breath, and feels the orgasm run through Louis’ body. It’s the most beautiful thing hes ever felt. Louis is all but screaming next to his ear but if he went deaf and that was the last sound Harry ever heard, he thinks that would be okay. 

All this is enough to make Harry come at the same time, giving Louis his seed as he listens to Louis whimper in his hear, whispering about how he loves him. Harry comes so hard he sees dots in his vision and his ears start to ring, only Louis’ voice breaking through them. 

Rolling himself to the side so not to drop on Louis in exhaustion, he immediately pulls the crying boy into his arm, kissing him and holding him close, assuring him that he’s right here and that he’s okay. 

Slowly, Louis’ breathing returns back to normal, and his tears turn into little snivels as the two hold each other in silence. 

It’s a few minutes before Harry speaks up again, staring at the ceiling as he cards his fingers through Louis’ sweaty hair. 

“Will you stay with me this time?” He asks quietly, too afraid to even look at Louis and hear his rejection again. “I’ll marry you tomorrow if you let me, Louis. We can go to the court house and get it done. You- you’ve got enough stuff and we can buy you the rest. I just… I need you to stay with me. I need you to stay this time” Harry whispers. 

8 years since the day they met as teenagers in the train station, no idea what they were getting themselves into, Harry can’t picture his life going on in any sort of happiness without Louis. He loves him, has loved him every single day for the past 8 years, through miles and missed calls and patches of no communication. More than anything, he needed Louis in his life, and he had a feeling the there was chance Louis just might feel the same.   
He would have missed the reply, if he hadn’t been hanging off every breath to come from Louis for 8 years now. If he hadn’t been waiting for it for four years, dreaming of the day Louis would utter the words.

“Yes.”


End file.
